Social Networking – A Loaded Weapon (Part 1)

By Jarred Boyd

With the rise of social networking (Twitter, Facebook, blogging sites, etc.), we’re provided outlets for expending each and every thought, idea, and/or belief that pops into our minds. At any moment, we are able to permanently etch a thought into the cyber world that can be seen globally by every eye on the web. Smart Phones have certainly augmented this phenomenon. Now, all of our favorites networking sites are right at our finger tips at all times. Convenient? Certainly. However, the danger has the potential to far outweigh the expediency.

 The teenage years are defined by physical, social, emotional, intellectual, and (Lord willing) spiritual development. Each of these areas of development consist of extreme ups and downs. Youth ministry sage Jim Burns writes, “For many teenagers this period of life can be summarized by an increase in chaotic extremes and contradictory, intense inner feelings.” Go down the Facebook News Feed that features 12 year olds through 20-somethings. You’ll find feelings of depression (i.e. break-up sob stories), elation (i.e. “Jenny said ‘YES!’…..to go with me to Prom!”), anxiety, worry, anger, inferiority – and all of these are typically expressed with deep passion and intensity. The next week, a completely opposite emotion might be expressed by the same people. Because of this, social networking couldn’t be a more dangerous weapon in the hands of teenagers.

“A vehicle,” in the words of my father, “is not a toy; it’s a “loaded weapon.” ‘Teenagers driving’ is a scary thought - simply because they are often unpredictable and careless behind the wheel (primarily due to a lack of experience). I would argue that social networking sites are much like vehicles - loaded weapons in the hands of developing adolescent minds.

The book of James speaks directly to us on the issue of bridling the tongue. James 3:3-8,

 ³If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. ⁴Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. ⁵So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! ⁶And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. ⁷For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, ⁸but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 

 Our bodies are comprised of legs, arms, muscles, tendons, etc. But, much like a ship guided by a small rudder, we are directed by our tongues. The tongue is also likened here to a deadly fire as well as a deadly poison that stains the whole body, being full of evil. Those are strong descriptors that could certainly point towards being a “loaded weapon”.

My family hails from the south, so naturally we own guns. We like to hunt (and secure our borders with a little home defense). At a relatively young age, my brother and I were taught how to handle a rifle by my dad in addition to hunters' education courses. Everything that entered our ears revolved around safety – how to load the gun, how to hold the gun, how to aim the gun, how to shoot it, pointing the gun up or down, the safety mechanisms on the guns, etc..  When I was in the fifth grade, there was one particular occasion on a hunt with my dad and brother on which, while carrying a .22 caliber rifle and walking a few feet behind them,  I about gave my elders a heart attack when my rifle suddenly went off by accident. However, because it had been engrained within me to point the rifle towards the ground, no one was injured (except my pride). My dad was startled and upset with me because I should have had my safety on. The event certainly gave me a renewed wake up call to the importance of utilizing safety precautions – they are in place to prevent serious injury or death.

Similarly, the tongue is a loaded weapon. We must bridle and tame it. We must take steps of safety to prevent our tongues from bringing pain upon ourselves or injuring others. Dad gave me a BB gun when I was 7 years old, a .22 when I turned 10, and a rifle and shotgun when I turned 14. He waited until those points because it simply isn’t smart to give a small child a loaded weapon – especially the more high-powered, dangerous ones. I would argue that when parents allow their developing, emotionally manic children cell phone usage and the ability to access these networking sites without ANY discretionary safety steps, it is like they are letting loose a 5 year old with a loaded gun. Why? Because these rapidly changing adolescents haven’t learned how to tame their tongues yet. They haven’t learned all of the necessary precautionary steps to guarding their hearts, minds, and tongues.

Many adults have not even learned the necessity of taking these steps! When I was in college (which is late-adolescence these days) I began blogging on Facebook… I was an idiot. I blabbered off about theological hot topics and social issues… I failed to tame my tongue and it came back to bite me in the butt, and in some ways of which I'm probably unaware (my reputation). Even to this day, I struggle with hypocrisy in this arena. Because of this, I have to take extra precautionary steps. For example, with my Twitter account, I’ve recently begun filtering some of my tweets through a trusted individual before I publish them.

We need to think before tweeting/texting/updating a status. Rather than telling the Facebook world about the break up, or how you really hate life right now, or sending ambiguous messages about not liking people who (fill in the blank) that are obviously directed towards certain individuals – we should talk to God; we should talk to Christian elders; we should talk to a journal. We should learn to channel those emotions in places where the tongue can’t get us into trouble.

The heart is deceitfully wicked and can’t be trusted (Jer 17:9). The tongue is a restless evil and full of deadly poison (Jas 3:8). Whoever learns to keep his/her words few and practices discernment in communication keeps him/herself out of trouble (Prov. 21:23). May we impart this wisdom in the lives of teenagers as well as practice it in our own lives. After all, if we fail to do this, according to James our religion is worthless (Jas 1:26).

The problem isn’t the advancement of technology. The problem is man’s sinfulness. Technology isn’t going anywhere, and social networking will only grow more convenient. The solution, despite Great-Grandpappy Delbert’s belief, isn’t to burn all of the iPhones and computers in the world… Instead, let’s impart biblical wisdom – which begins with the fear of God - and discernment to ourselves and the young people with whom we've been entrusted. In both wisdom and discernment, we find the Gospel. True wisdom is carrying out righteousness and it can only be obtained by those who fear God by putting their trust in the life, death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Instead of giving young adolescents a loaded gun, let's give them the book of Proverbs and teach them wisdom. So, in the words of one of my professors at Southern, Gary Almon, “The book of Proverbs is like a bag of nails. If you wanna nail your kids to Jesus – give 'em wisdom.” Wisdom is the sheath that covers a double-edged sword. It is the strength to harness the tongue. But while we learn to master wisdom, it is equally prudent to take practical steps towards inhibiting the tongue to organize damage. Let's encourage wisdom to stop posting personal issues, complaints, vendettas, slanderous or potentially harmful comments on Facebook and Twitter. This isn’t a call to replace them with “Christian-ese” comments (I’m speaking to myself as well…). Let’s heed the call from Ecclesiastes 5:2 – “Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few.”

Social Networking – A Loaded Weapon (Part 2)

By Jarred Boyd

In my first article on Social Networking, I gave biblical support for why I believe social networking is potentially too dangerous for those who aren’t working to bridle their tongues – namely, adolescents. The practice of wisdom and taking safety precautions is crucial when dealing with a “loaded weapon” (social networking). In “Part 2” of this article, I’ll be dealing with how social networking has severely damaged adolescents’ communication skills.

The Problem

 

Youth today aren’t necessarily becoming more socially awkward; they’re becoming less polite, considerate, and especially less socially engaging face-to-face. There isn’t research directly supporting this theory, but my personal dealings with youth as well as support from many others whom interact with adolescents on a regular basis certainly confirm it. This is due to their constant electronic involvement that requires little to no social skill to perform.

The other day I walked into my local Buffalo Wild Wings, and scanned the restaurant for a place to sit. As I’m scanning the room, I notice that every single table in the dining area has at least one person with their phone out. This is the norm, too. Go to a restaurant these days, and you’ll notice that people spend just as much time looking down at their phones before their meal arrives, as they do in personal interaction with their company. It’s absolutely ridiculous. What an awesome example we set, as adults, for teenagers and kids, when we spend more time looking down at an electronic device than we do looking into the eyes of those whom we’re dining with. The saddest display of this reality is a family at the dinner table or in a restaurant who allow their kids to play video games, or even worse – have their headphones in, completely tuned out from reality! Nothing bothers me more, than seeing a family sit with each other and never be present with one another. It is truly a sad sight.

You see, here’s the problem – priority. What should our priority be – interaction with those whom we’re present with, or interaction with those whom we’re connecting with through a mobile device? Answer – those whom we’re present with! Communicating through Facebook, Twitter, and text messaging has taken rank over talking with people we’re in close contact with. This reality presents a major problem not only for our own communication skills, politeness, and consideration of others, but also for those whom we’re looking to set an example for.

 

Teenagers

 

Trying to talk with an adolescent in person is like trying to talk with your first crush – you’re looking for common ground, something that will strike their interest to keep them engaged - you’re searching for anything to keep the conversation going. Talking with an adolescent on the phone is like watching an old man stumble while trying to keep his feet and eventually crash – a very slow, awkward, painful while entertaining process. When you talk to adolescents it can often be frustrating, because you’re spending a lot of energy just to get words out of them. It often happens very slowly, it can be extremely awkward, and overall – it’s a painful process (in the sense that, about 1 minute in, you’re ready for it to be over), while at the same time, usually provides you with a solid chuckle afterwards because of something they say, or rather, lack of words they have to say.

 

Pre-teens and teens need to be taught how to communicate and interact with others – especially adults. They know how to interact with peers, the problem is, that interaction is typically rash and unproductive. Learning politeness, manners, and other communication skills is crucial for the adolescent.

 

When I was a boy, I distinctly remember my parents sitting my brother and me down to practice phone etiquette. We would be given scenarios to practice helpful phrases, introductions, goodbyes, courteous manners, sincere questions to ask callers, etc. I was taught the art of talking efficiently to people with sincerity and courtesy.

Teens regularly engaging in social networking sites and text messaging/Instant messaging (we’ll refer to this entire group of non-personal interaction as “NPI”), are more consistently tapping into unproductive means of communication. They’re not correctly articulating what and how they want to say things (i.e. “lol”, “brb”, “ttyl”, “lkasdihgnciahdiai”, etc.). A by-product of this is their boldness through NPI sources. Kids are now saying things that they would NEVER say to another in person while looking them in the eye. Therefore, as James Steyer is quoted in an article - Social Networking Has Hidden Dangers For Teens - "If you're not in the same place as the person, it just feels less personal; it's easier to do mean things... It's almost simulated behavior. You can be risky and do riskier things in a digital context." Adolescents, in turn, are sharpening the wrong edge of the knife! Instead of sharpening their interpersonal skills, they’re sharpening their NPI skills.

 

Instead, we need to not only remove the “loaded weapon” of NPI from the hands of teenagers, we need to replace it with a healthier tool – one that can help build up, instead of break down – interpersonal communication. Teenagers need to learn how to be confrontational in person; not online. They need to learn how to confess feelings in person; not through a text message. They need to learn when NOT to say things that can be harmful in person; not be tempted through an easy access digital communication form to express rash thoughts. They need to learn to be bold while looking another being in the eye while talking; instead of looking at their profile picture.

Okay, but how does this pertain to Christians?

Everyone is born without a knowledge of the Gospel, therefore the message must be relayed to them. As Christians we’ve been called to carry the Gospel to all nations (Matt 28:19). Not only that, we know that the only way for peoples to be saved is by the hearing of the Gospel – therefore God sends out messengers. This “message”, this “Gospel”, needs to be articulated well, and with clarity (Col 4:4). Herein lies the importance - teenage Christians are missing the opportunity to be effective message carriers. How can we expect these adolescents to accurately teach their friends, other family members, or strangers the glorious good news of Jesus if they can’t even hold a 2 minute phone conversation? Obviously, we know that the Spirit intercedes for us, where we fall short (Luke 12:11-12). And it’s the Spirit who works through us to bring lost souls to the throne (John 16:8-11). But it must be understood that we are responsible for sharpening our skills in this area, which includes personal interaction. How much more effective would a teenager be for the advancement of the Kingdom if he/she learns the art of personal communication! Communication skills must not fall by the wayside – we must teach adolescents how to politely and effectively communicate. After all, lost souls are hanging in the balance…

THE CHURCH AND EFFEMINACY

THE CHURCH AND EFFEMINACY
Jarred, Jay and Poker Boyd
Many of us are familiar with the books, blogs, articles and conferences addressing the issue of what it means to be a man. From John Piper and Wayne Grudem’s “Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood”, to movies like “Courageous”, as well as messages like Mark Driscoll’s infamous “Marriage & Men” Sermon– most of us have heard the bell sounding for men to rise up. Even the popular Christian rap group, featuring Lecrae – 116 Clique – recently released an album and tour called “Man Up”. The general consensus for defining biblical manhood seems to be unanimous – taking responsibility and exemplifying leadership. “As defined in the Bible, manhood is a functional reality, demonstrated in a man's fulfillment of responsibility and leadership (Mohler, Marks of Manhood).”
No argument there. After all, the bible has made it plain that men should be working towards or taking many responsibilities and leadership duties ranging from family, occupation, church, community, etc. This is obviously a much needed challenge from authors, artists, pastors, and moviemakers. However, I would like to address an issue that tends to be avoided and even downplayed in the subject of biblical manhood. There seems to be a growing number of effeminate men within our Christian culture. This article is intended as a discussion starter and nudge to action concerning the problem of effeminacy within the church as well as a biblical response through discipleship.

To Whom Am I Referring?

Definition: ef·fem·i·nate/iˈfemənit/ Adjective: derogatory. (of a man) Having or showing characteristics regarded as typical of a woman; unmanly. (Oxford Dictionary)

For clarity sake - this is not a motion calling for more men in our churches to start lifting weights, hosting UFC-watching parties, or begin deer hunting. I am simply questioning how many obviously effeminate men we are ushering into our churches as ministry leaders. It’s almost as if we have allowed culture rather than the bible to dictate what masculinity and leadership looks like - deciding that the Bible does not have a problem with men who act more like women. As if our God-given masculine instincts and natural-born masculine characteristics are simply optional rather than biblically mandated. Obviously, this can be a grey area so the subject needs to be treated in a manner of love and extreme care but strong conviction.

A Sad Reality
One young youth leader recently shared with me that he grew up in an average youth group. Yet during his seven years there he observed no less than three guys who were regular attendees, yet accepted for who they were – effeminate teenage guys. They displayed all of the common characteristics of effeminate men that we listed above. Even the girls accepted them as having more in common with them than the guys did – allowing them to be part of the girl talk and inner-circle joking that would have been out of bounds for any other guy. Though heckled a bit at school, these guys found a safe haven once they escaped to the youth group and church activities. The ladies inadvertently enabled this feminine behavior by looking past their feminine-like displays and seeing them as some sort of soft and safe alternative. Although the guys put much effort into accepting them, they naturally ended up avoiding them many times because of their feelings of discomfort. Predictably, they sometimes wondered if they were unaccepting and too judgmental. Sure, everyone knew this behavior was odd, but if anyone dare brought the matter up in conversation, the guilt banner would be waved. As a result, many young men have been taught to simply realize that some guys are gentler and just don’t enjoy the typical guy stuff. Less than two years into college, all three of these individuals ended up coming out of the closet to choose homosexuality. One of them even became president of the homosexual club of his college.

Certainly there are a variety of factors which culminated into these individuals choosing a homosexual lifestyle. For the purposes of this article I would like to focus on just one of the factors that, I believe, played an enabling role in these individuals continuing on their path to homosexuality – the church! Many of the men within that young man’s church were uncomfortable with this effeminate behavior but as far as he knew never confronted the issue. Church leaders, including the youth pastor, seemed to pull the “avoidance ethic” with these teens - “Well they’re not hurting anyone, they come to church regularly, and at least they aren’t out drinking or causing trouble.”

The Factors of Instigation
It’s sad to know that these individuals were never intentionally discipled and shown true masculinity and taught biblical manhood. One of the great dangers at stake here is the reality that, far too often, genuinely effeminate boys begin to believe they are homosexual simply because of their feminine tendencies. According to Dr. Paul Cameron of the Family Research Institute, there are four influences that (can lead to) homosexual desires – homosexual experience, family abnormality, unusual sexual experience (particularly in childhood), and cultural influences. Culture has certainly teamed up with the postmodern movement to “do what makes you feel happy.” And for the minority of effeminate males in our culture – this means often wrongly concluding that they were born homosexual because of their feminine tendencies. We want to encourage church leadership to address biblical masculinity so as to assist young men towards biblical masculinity and away from the choice of the effeminate and potential progression towards a homosexual lifestyle.
The Heterosexual Secret
There is a phrase known by many as “The heterosexual secret”. This is the term given to that uncomfortable feeling most every heterosexual male experiences at least to some degree while in the presence of effeminate men. The reason most men feel uncomfortable around effeminate guys is because it is unnatural and as such SHOULD make us uncomfortable. It isn’t innocent or trendy. It’s inappropriate and from a leadership standpoint, it sets a terrible example of biblical masculinity to the boys and teenagers within our churches – much less the lost world observing us. Still, some might consider this to be the concern of a homophobe, with the idea of real masculinity being completely regional, cultural, and/or subjective.
A growing number of biblically conservative young leaders are faced with the reality of serving on staff alongside those affected and even embracing the effeminate movement. In cases such as this, there is often little concern for sexual orientation due to the fact that they are married with families and seem well liked. Those who know these ministers agree that they seem to fit the definition provided above by Dr. Mohler for “Biblical manhood” because they take responsibility and roles of leadership within their homes and the church. Indeed, many are said to display true godliness and Christ-centered lifestyles. The issue lies in the example they provide for impressionable young people who are laboring over gender issues and in need of examples of masculine leadership. The thought of these effeminate leaders preaching and teaching young men who are struggling with gender issues, is quite honestly concerning. This scenario could promote the wrong assumption within these young men that it is acceptable and even lauded to be a Christian and display womanly characteristics. This would only further intensify the young men’s struggles with gender confusions.
Biblical Evidence for Masculinity
Still, one could argue that any feeling of discomfort is completely subjective. After all, who authored the code of masculinity? There’s nothing in the bible that states the specifics or standards of how men must walk, talk, and act in order to be considered masculine. One could use the phrase, “To each his own”. However, I think the concept of biblical masculinity is worth a closer look.
There aren’t any indications throughout the Bible of Godly figures being effeminate. We have every reason to believe that God consistently used men who displayed true masculinity. Obviously, there’s no way of knowing exactly how biblical characters walked, talked and expressed mannerisms. However, our LORD God is King, exercising absolute authority - “The universe is subject to Christ (Ephesians 1:22), Christ is subject to God the Father (1 Corinthians 15:28), the Church is subject to Christ (Ephesians 5:24), Christians are subject to God (James 4:7), and wives are subject to husbands (Colossians 3:18) – (Weber, Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart, p. 76).” We serve a masculine God who practices headship. Not a submissive, irresponsible, weenie unable to command all things. Men should likewise be authoritative, responsible, resilient and tough-minded - able to take command. God is also described in the Bible as a Warrior. Now, let’s just pause for a second… when you hear that word “warrior”, do you picture a girly-man on the frontlines of a battle or William Wallace? Wallace, of course! King Jesus is a warrior, as described in Revelation 19:11-16

“Then I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse! The one sitting on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he judges and makes war. His eyes are like a flame of fire, and on his head are many diadems, and he has a name written that no one knows but himself. He is clothed in a robe dipped in blood, and the name by which he is called is The Word of God. And the armies of heaven, arrayed in fine linen, white and pure, were following him on white horses. From his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations, and he will rule them with a rod of iron. He will tread the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God the Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has a name written, King of kings and Lord of lords.”

William Mouser suggests in Five Aspects of Man, “If someone can read the Bible and seriously question God’s masculinity, he has already resisted, ignored or discounted far more proof than any apologist could possibly assemble.” (Mouser, Five Aspects of Man, p. 5) Our God is masculine, creating males in his image to actually act like men. Jesus came in the form of a man – a man who tossed temple tables and hacked it out in the wilderness for 40 days and 40 nights resisting Satan’s temptations. Additionally, how would an effeminate Messiah have been able to handpick 12 other men – who were tentmakers, fisherman, and doctors to mention a few – and actually expect them to leave everything and give their lives to worshipping this God-man. The idea of King David, who slain his “ten thousands” in battle (1 Sam. 18:7) and Samson who killed a lion with his bare hands (Judges 14:6) being effeminate is completely absurd. Men should heed the advice of David to his son Solomon in 1 Kings 2:2b, “Be strong, and show yourself a man.”

Confrontation and Discipleship

My point is that we must confront the issue of effeminacy in our churches and expect men to display a masculinity that is God-given. I believe the issue of effeminacy is a learned behavior and the fact that so many men are being raised fatherless is certainly part of the problem. Consider how the secular government authorities in Malaysia are dealing with the issue. A certain headline reads: “Malaysia sends 66 boys to boot camp.” Officials identified and sent 66 boys who displayed feminine characteristics to a boot camp in which they were taught masculinity. (http://ibnlive.in.com/news/malaysia-sends-effeminate-boys-to-boot-camp/149825-19.html). While I disagree with the extreme singling out of certain individuals on such a corporate and governmental level, at least someone has identified the fact that it is unnatural and a problem that can lead down an unwanted path. Wouldn’t these boys be much better off if the corrections were made as a part of the discipleship process rather than a secular boot camp? Discipleship should be taking place in our churches from older men to younger men. Every Timothy needs a Paul. Effeminate boys should be discipled rather than avoided because they make us feel “uncomfortable” or because we’re scared to address it as an issue. Men must come alongside these individuals and teach them what masculinity looks like and help families and fathers confront the issue rather than waiting until it’s too late. This undoubtedly means that church leaders need to exemplify masculinity if they are to help set the example. For example, one youth pastor I know had a college leader helping out within his youth group who displayed feminine tendencies (especially when he was up front). After noticing the potential problem it could create, the youth pastor took this individual out to lunch to address the matter in a loving, yet shepherding manner. The deal was made that he’d still be able to lead and contribute in a behind the scenes role, but until the effeminate tendencies were corrected, he wouldn’t be allowed to be up front. Although there was initial lash back, the young man, within a few months was allowed back into his naturally gifted area of leading up front. Now, over the course of a couple years, that young man has almost completely erased his feminine tendencies displaying masculinity.
Another youth pastor I’ve heard about noticed a growing number of effeminate boys within his youth group. The youth pastor implemented an annual winter guys retreat, in which the boys are taught biblical manhood and are shown true masculinity. He emphasized activities that were predominately masculine, such as camping in the woods, chopping fire-wood, building shelters and fires, and many other activities. Through one-on-one sessions, leaders are able to confront these effeminate issues and encourage the importance of masculinity and specific steps to making adjustments. This is what it means to disciple and come along side these feminine individuals without singling them out and embarrassing them. It should always be loving, compassionate, and biblical.

In Conclusion…

I fear that churches who employ effeminate pastors and/or elevate effeminate leaders without pause are on a slippery slope towards compromising innate, God-given characteristics that make up the very essence of masculinity. Therefore, to summarize, I believe that the two overarching issues at hand with effeminacy among Christian men, are: One, the fact that it has the potential for leading young men to incorrectly believe themselves to be born as homosexual, and secondly, it erroneously displays within a church leadership context a misrepresentation of manhood and masculinity. Because of these issues, I believe the biblical resolution is to come alongside effeminate men in love and usher them into masculinity through discipleship and exemplifying masculinity to them.