Affirmation Is Essential

Affirm your students, parents, and volunteers every chance you get. Encourage and compliment them corporately, in small group and as individuals. Big victories get our attention making it convenient to celebrate because we enjoy affirming a big win. A significant success prompts us towards gratitude and acknowledgement of God’s unmerited favor. Some victories are large while others may go virtually unnoticed. But with every small victory in the life of a youth or youth leader a big win is being constructed. Little things eventually add up to form big things in the business of life-shaping and character molding. So when it comes to accolades in ministry remember to praise students publically, admonish them privately and celebrate with them equally. I have never met a parent who did not appreciate someone being a positive influence in the spiritual life of their child. Even lost parents raising children in a Godless home will more often than not, appreciate your efforts towards character development. Parents who connect with the student ministry as a supportive participant will sing the praises of caring student ministry. Students who are regular attenders will never forget your personal affirmation. Students who are lost may receive their only encouragement from you or someone on your leadership team. Not only will your affirmation be appreciated, it will become contagious as well as an attractant for youth and families.

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you have been doing.” I Thessalonians 5:11

“Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how to respond to each person.” Colossians 4:6

Shepherd > Friend

You are the leader of a student ministry before you are a friend to youth. While student leaders do enjoy a high degree of relational connections with teens there is often a temptation to connect with them on the wrong level. The pressure and desire to connect with your target age group and impact their life can lead to an unhealthy attachment or misplaced priority. While your heart may be in the right place and your passion be inspiring, a less than professional etiquette must be avoided. In other words, don’t “lower” yourself just to gain approval by the high school “power brokers”, the “in” crowd, the ones who lead the heard. Don’t be sucked into acting in a certain way just to be labeled the “cool” youth leader. In an attempt to connect and be accepted by the youth do not lower your standard or side-step your responsibility in being a biblical example. If you find yourself striving for acceptance by lowering your standard, take a step back, pray, and share your challenge with a trusted ministry friend. Remember, you do not want to do anything that would diminish your position or reputation in exchange for being “one of the gang”. Students don’t need you to be their primary friend, but they do need you to be someone they can trust and emulate. You may not see the effects of a misplaced friendship priority for a season or even longer. You may not recognize an inappropriate reputation gradually being constructed. Among parents, elders and deacons however, you will lose more leverage and influence than any temporary gains you might get from an emphasis on or pursuit of the cool factor. So speak the truth of God’s word in love and embrace the friendships that arise from leading students rather than impressing them. Your authentic love and discerning leadership will inspire them without the pressure of being voted flavor of the year by Cool Youth Leader's Magazine.

“Shepherd the flock of God among you, exercising oversight not under compulsion, but voluntarily, according to the will of God; and not for sordid gain, but with eagerness.” I Peter 5:2  “In all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified . . . “ Titus 3:7

Communication 101

The number one complaint from pastors regarding their student minister is: lack of communication. You think it would be skating off the hand rails in front of the sanctuary or backing the church van into the parking stop at BeefObradys wing house. But no, the top complaint from pastors or supervisors is the lack of information. Few things frustrate a senior pastor or administrator more than being unaware of what is going on, especially when it is exceptionally great or potentially problematic. Make it a priority to update the staff, shoot an email or drop a flier their way prior to a ministry event. It takes a bit more planning and time but communicating well will pay future dividends to you and the ministry. When your butt is in a sling, about to get chewed on or a black eye is headed your way, communication can be your biggest ally. And just in case you doubt it; one day you are going to get a black eye and your butt is going to get in somebody’s sling – so just communicate; better yet, over-communicate, super-saturate the staff, parents and youth. I have never heard of a parent or staff member in ANY student ministry anywhere say: “You know, our student pastor is excessive in keeping us in the loop. I wish he would lighten up on the communication a bit.”

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” Ephesians 4:25

Partner With Parents, Don't Compete!

Student Ministry is not a game of “us” against “them”. The “us” being the students and their illustrious captain and leader and “them”  being the parents and gray hairs. Younger youth leaders have to fight the urge to view questioning parents as “them”. Sometimes even older leaders tend to overlook them in favor of a more compliant man power source such as intern staff. Learn to see parents and other adults as part of the ministry team, each with a gift and talent to contribute. The more comfortable, inclusive, and informative you become with parents, the more likely they are to sing your praises all over town. And since they are going to sing something, it might as well be your praises!

"From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love." Ephesians 4:16  "Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and [that] there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment." 1 Corinthians 1:10

Small Group Truth: Know Names

In small groups, strive to learn every students name as soon as possible. In larger groups this can be a challenge but doable. In huge groups, this may be impractical or nearly impossible. It should always be someone’s responsibility to KNOW the students name. So according to the size of ministry, if it is not you, make certain someone on the team is on top of it – like small group leaders. Nothing breaks down barriers with students, especially peripheral or visiting youth like calling them by name. It communicates to students that you take a personal interest in serving them. Also, try to avoid the habit of using generic camouflage names like: sport, buddy, man, girl, or friend. Students will only give you a "pass" for so long. In most cases, the use of generics simply increases the suspicion that you don’t know who you are speaking to. Your ministry will be greatly enhanced and attractive if students hear their name. A survey was conducted among elementary kids and the question was asked: What is love? Billy, age 4 said: "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” 
Remember:  “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” Proverbs 17:28   "Fear not: for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name; thou art mine." Isaiah 43:1 

You're Not Perfect, Admit It... Literally

Staff, students and parents will all endear themselves to you much more readily if you can become comfortable with admitting failure. Your job does not demand perfection and you can not deliver it. People love to pull a perfectionist down, but they tend to root for the one they can relate to . . .  the flawed, imperfect, in need of forgiveness type. I’m not talking about self-depreciation or washing your ministry laundry in front of the parents or leadership. I am referring to the benefit in finding greater comfort with saying – I need your help, I may have rushed that a bit, I wish I had done that differently, and that did not turn out as I envisioned it. Really it is about the admitting and acceptance of the fact that you have nothing to offer if Christ is not your benefactor of grace and strength.
Remember . . .
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27   

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5: 6,7 

Attending To Personal Sanctification

Prayer and daily alone time with the Father are the only hope you have to survive and thrive beyond the beginner stage (three years) of Student Ministry. And when you make it to that milestone, you will realize that prayer, daily alone time and volunteer leadership are the only way you will survive beyond the veteran status of five years. Becoming an equipper of the saints for the work of the ministry is the only hope you have in passing the seven year (considered exceptional tenure) mark in student ministry. Every young youth minister dreams of making a huge impact and seeing loads of students coming to know Christ as savior. The best gift you can give yourself is alone time with the Father, time in the word, and commitment to developing volunteer leadership.

"And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love." Ephesians 4:11-16