Communication 101

The number one complaint from pastors regarding their student minister is: lack of communication. You think it would be skating off the hand rails in front of the sanctuary or backing the church van into the parking stop at BeefObradys wing house. But no, the top complaint from pastors or supervisors is the lack of information. Few things frustrate a senior pastor or administrator more than being unaware of what is going on, especially when it is exceptionally great or potentially problematic. Make it a priority to update the staff, shoot an email or drop a flier their way prior to a ministry event. It takes a bit more planning and time but communicating well will pay future dividends to you and the ministry. When your butt is in a sling, about to get chewed on or a black eye is headed your way, communication can be your biggest ally. And just in case you doubt it; one day you are going to get a black eye and your butt is going to get in somebody’s sling – so just communicate; better yet, over-communicate, super-saturate the staff, parents and youth. I have never heard of a parent or staff member in ANY student ministry anywhere say: “You know, our student pastor is excessive in keeping us in the loop. I wish he would lighten up on the communication a bit.”

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.” Ephesians 4:25

Partner With Parents, Don't Compete!

Student Ministry is not a game of “us” against “them”. The “us” being the students and their illustrious captain and leader and “them”  being the parents and gray hairs. Younger youth leaders have to fight the urge to view questioning parents as “them”. Sometimes even older leaders tend to overlook them in favor of a more compliant man power source such as intern staff. Learn to see parents and other adults as part of the ministry team, each with a gift and talent to contribute. The more comfortable, inclusive, and informative you become with parents, the more likely they are to sing your praises all over town. And since they are going to sing something, it might as well be your praises!

"From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love." Ephesians 4:16  "Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and [that] there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment." 1 Corinthians 1:10

Small Group Truth: Know Names

In small groups, strive to learn every students name as soon as possible. In larger groups this can be a challenge but doable. In huge groups, this may be impractical or nearly impossible. It should always be someone’s responsibility to KNOW the students name. So according to the size of ministry, if it is not you, make certain someone on the team is on top of it – like small group leaders. Nothing breaks down barriers with students, especially peripheral or visiting youth like calling them by name. It communicates to students that you take a personal interest in serving them. Also, try to avoid the habit of using generic camouflage names like: sport, buddy, man, girl, or friend. Students will only give you a "pass" for so long. In most cases, the use of generics simply increases the suspicion that you don’t know who you are speaking to. Your ministry will be greatly enhanced and attractive if students hear their name. A survey was conducted among elementary kids and the question was asked: What is love? Billy, age 4 said: "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” 
Remember:  “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” Proverbs 17:28   "Fear not: for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name; thou art mine." Isaiah 43:1 

You're Not Perfect, Admit It... Literally

Staff, students and parents will all endear themselves to you much more readily if you can become comfortable with admitting failure. Your job does not demand perfection and you can not deliver it. People love to pull a perfectionist down, but they tend to root for the one they can relate to . . .  the flawed, imperfect, in need of forgiveness type. I’m not talking about self-depreciation or washing your ministry laundry in front of the parents or leadership. I am referring to the benefit in finding greater comfort with saying – I need your help, I may have rushed that a bit, I wish I had done that differently, and that did not turn out as I envisioned it. Really it is about the admitting and acceptance of the fact that you have nothing to offer if Christ is not your benefactor of grace and strength.
Remember . . .
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27   

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5: 6,7 

Attending To Personal Sanctification

Prayer and daily alone time with the Father are the only hope you have to survive and thrive beyond the beginner stage (three years) of Student Ministry. And when you make it to that milestone, you will realize that prayer, daily alone time and volunteer leadership are the only way you will survive beyond the veteran status of five years. Becoming an equipper of the saints for the work of the ministry is the only hope you have in passing the seven year (considered exceptional tenure) mark in student ministry. Every young youth minister dreams of making a huge impact and seeing loads of students coming to know Christ as savior. The best gift you can give yourself is alone time with the Father, time in the word, and commitment to developing volunteer leadership.

"And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love." Ephesians 4:11-16

Reprinted article from Walt Mueller pushing back about Family Intergrated Youth Ministry

Monday, November 18, 2013

Youth Groups Driving Christian Teens to Abandon Faith? . . . Some Issues. . . .

Last week a friend posted a link to an article from Charisma magazine that was making the rounds in our youth ministry world. My friend wrote this:  "Have you seen this? I would love your thoughts. This study has been emailed to me by 2 pastors in the past two weeks. This study is by the same group that did Divided the movie. I agree that Youth Ministry has been factor in this problem but I don't know the best way to respond to those that are putting this study on my desk." 

And so I went and read the article - "Youth Groups Driving Christian Teens to Abandon Faith" - and followed the embedded links.

Some of you may know that I blogged on the Divided  movie and the organization behind it - the National Center for Family-Integrated Churches - back in July of 2011. You can read that blog post here. In that post, I talk about my take on the film, along with some reflections on how the film was made, and how my interview for the film was presented to me, conducted, and then included in the movie. . . or about 5 seconds of it! At the time, I expressed some deep concerns about how these folks were going about their business, along with some concerns about their message. Now, I've read the Charisma article. My concerns have been reignited.

So, in response to my friend's question, let me offer a couple of responses. First, about the survey and it's methodology. Second, I want to say something about youth ministry.

The Charisma article begins with this line: "A new study might reveal why a majority of Christian teens abandon their faith upon high school graduation." There's quite a bit in that first sentence that should cause us concern. For me, the biggest and most immediate issue was referencing the "new study" conducted by the National Center for Family-Integrated Churches. I linked to the "study" and found it more accurately to be a "survey". . . an online survey in fact. Take a look at it for yourself. All I will say about the survey is that if you are going to quote this, you also have to talk about the sketchy methodology that's used to come up with results that are entirely slanted, and therefore unreliable. Like the Divided movie, what you have here appears to be another piece of propaganda. Consider this simple little fact: the people who will take this survey are already biased in their opinion against youth groups. That's why they would go to this site in the first place. This would be like me. . . a Philadelphia Eagles fan.  .  . setting up an Eagles' fan site that's populated and frequented by Eagles' fans. Then, setting up an online survey soliciting the opinions of Eagles fans on the Dallas Cowboys and their likability through a series of three questions that give Eagles fans the option to rail on the Cowboys. If you know anything about football. . . or are from Philly or Dallas. . . you know how this one would go if, let's say, 90% of the respondents were Eagles' fans. Enough said.

My first concern, then, is with how the folks at the National Center for Family-Integrated Churches are going about their business. We should expect better. They need to know that sketchy methodology and hidden agendas driven by an "ends justifies the means" mentality will drive Christian youth workers and others to ignore their message. I, for one, have a very difficult time taking them seriously based on my past experience with their methods and tactics. To be honest, I am now skeptical about anything these folks are producing.

But there's a second aspect to this discussion. It has to do with the criticisms that are being leveled against our youth ministry world by these folks. To dismiss these criticisms without giving them serious introspective consideration would be irresponsible and arrogant on our part. We can't use the irresponsibility or sketchiness of those who criticize us as an excuse to not pause and consider whether or not there is any truth or validity to their accusations. Is it possible that we do need to look at our theology and practices? 

Let me offer some brief and direct thoughts on the relationship between church, youth group, and family that are restatements of things we've been saying here at CPYU since the get go:

• The Scriptures are clear: parents are primarily responsible for the spiritual nurture of their children.
• The youth group, Sunday School, youth pastor, youth workers, teachers, and congregation are to offer deliberate secondary spiritual guidance and nurture in support of parents.
• Youth ministries that establish separate youth worship services at times when the "big people" are in "big people church" are nurturing kids into a needs-based understanding of worship and the Christian faith. Not only that, but they are dividing up the body of Christ. Children, teenagers, young adults, parents, middle-aged adults, senior citizens. . . all of them need to be worshiping together to experience the full breadth and depth of the body of Christ and to exercise and benefit from the giftedness of all.
• Youth workers should be recruiting and equipping an army of adults to love, relate to, and mentor kids.
• The church and youth group cannot ignore the growing number of young people who are growing up without a parent or parents in the home, and the growing number of kids whose search for redemption in the absence of home-based spiritual nurture lead them to the church and youth group. 

One last thing. . . I can't seem to find any place in the Scriptures where the use of websites, online surveys, and other "worldly innovations" are a biblical way to reach people or solicit opinions. 

Reading list for Student Ministry

READING LIST FOR STUDENT MINISTRY 
Preparing for Adolescence: How to Survive the Coming Years of Change:  Dr. James Dobson /The gold standard for preparing parents for the adolescent transformation.  This book will allow parents to become a resource to those with whom they work and have influence.
Life On The Edge: Dr. James Dobson / Life on the Edge: The Next Generation's Guide to a Meaningful Future is Dr. Dobson’s newest publication.
Don't Waste Your Life:  John Piper / Recommended for Parents and High Schools.  This is a must read that provides insight into why God created us and reminds us that to live is Christ and to die is gain. A life lived for Christ is a life not wasted. A powerful and inspiring read.
How to Stay Christian in College:  J. Budziszewski / Not that a true believer can lose his/her salvation but a book on practical and powerful tips on remaining faithful when the safety nets and safe guards of High School are left behind. The foundations of Christian faith are covered in this essential work that directly addresses different worldviews and myths students encounter in college.
How to Stay Christian in High School:  How to handle the everyday temptations and pressures of high school are addressed as this author engages the student’s minds in a way that will lead to transformation and hope.
Do Hard Things: Alex and Brett Harris /  If you have ever wondered if this generation will rise to the challenge, read this book.  Discover the truth about challenging students to go all the way to His purpose and potential and about teenage rebellion against low expectations.
Raising a Modern Day Knight:  Learn the father’s role in guiding his son to authentic manhood.  If you are a single mom, see how an authentic role model from your student ministry can help change the future of your son.
Engaging the Soul of Youth Culture: Walt Mueller / This highly recommended publication bridges teen worldviews and Christian culture. Mueller deals with modern v. post-modern worldviews and the need for listening and understanding the emerging generation in order to effectively minister and communicate the gospel to them.
Adolescence Isn’t Terminal: Kevin Leman / Trusted family relationship expert Kevin Leman helps parents navigate the choppy waters of their children's teen years with humor and grace. Emotive stories and practical advice give parents hope and encouragement.
After You Drop Them Off:  Jerusha and Jeramy Clark / These guys provide trustworthy answers to parents’ questions about what goes on at youth group meetings and offers practical suggestions, biblical support, and “real-life” parents’ comments and stories.
The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers: Gary Chapman / Discover how to identify and fluently speak your teenager’s primary love language and gain insight into how and why teens need to be loved differently than preteens.
Confident Parenting: Jim Burns / Confident Parenting gives practical advice with God honoring principles. Jim Burns addresses overcrowded lifestyles, overcoming negative family patterns, and raising kids who love God and themselves.
Every Young Man's Battle: Can any young man escape the lure of sexual temptation in today's world? You're surrounded by sex constantly--in movies, on TV, video games, music, the Internet. Is it any wonder that it feels impossible to stay sexually pure? How do men survive the relentless battle against the onslaught of lust? With powerful ammunition. The authors of the hard-hitting mega-bestseller "Every Man’s Battle "know the temptations young men face every day. The fact is, you can achieve victory over sexual compromise.  This book shows young men how to rise above today's debased, self-seeking culture by examining God's standard, training your eyes and mind, cleaning up your thought life, and developing a plan with biblical strategies that have worked for millions of men.
SAFE EYES - Not a book but a great resource.  The ONLY internet filter I recommend to parents.  Why?  The best price anywhere, excellent product and fast.  It is an unbelievable internet filter that does NOT slow down your computer or online search.  And, NO, they are not a sponsor - they just have a great product.

Your First Two Years in Youth Ministry: A Personal and Practical Guide to Starting Right, Doug Fields Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers, Christian Smith  Hurt: Inside the World of Today's Teenagers, Chap Clark  Almost Christian: What the Faith of Our Teenagers Is Telling the American Church, Kenda Creasy Dean  The Godbearing Life: The Art of Soul Tending for Youth Ministry, Kenda Creasy Dean  Understanding Today's Youth Culture, Walt Mueller  Youth Culture 101, Walt Mueller  Blockbuster Movie Illustrations: Over 160 Clips for Your Ministry, Bryan Belknap  Group's Blockbuster Movie Illustrations: The Return, Bryan Belknap  Blockbuster Movie Illustrations: The Sequel  Bryan Belknap The Seven Checkpoints: seven principles every teenager needs to know, Andy Stanley  The Air I Breathe: Worship as a Way of Life, Louie Giglio  Purpose Driven Youth Ministry: 9 Essential Foundations for Healthy Growth, Doug Fields Youth Ministry Nuts & Bolts: Mastering The Ministry Behind The Scenes, Duffy Robbins Help! I'm a Small Church Youth Worker: Achieving Big-Time Success in a Non-Mega Ministry, Rich Grassel