Over the years, I have observed a reduction in the number of student ministers establishing and/or maintaining student leadership teams. I am talking about MS, HS and College age who serve as leadership among their peers for the purpose of effecting and advancing ministry. There is just as much to be said about forming and/or nurturing an adult team of leadership but if you need that spill then your days are numbered already and probably too far gone to be helped. OK, maybe not too far gone but dad-gum-it, how did you get this far without enlisting a team of adults who love, support and carry the water bucket for you? I feel a rant coming on but that’s another series.
For now I want to share, convince, implore, admonish, encourage, beg and whatever else is needed to get you to prayerfully consider the value of a student leadership team of adolescents. The work of securing leadership is hard work and never ending. One reason many youth leaders are letting leadership teams go is that they are running at 90 mph with their hair on fire and cannot stop long enough to punt and retool. Another reason is that student pastors simply do not know how to practically and equitably secure a team without hurt feelings, seeming exclusive or encouraging elitism. But, it can be done, is worth the effort and far better than any other system of implementation.
I have seen many cool and not so cool names for these teams. The name does not matter unless you are sporting a culturally astute gotee, black rim glasses, pencil pants or wear a beanie when its barely cold outside.
See sample names at the end of this – if you last that long.
NOTE** The Youth leadership is a NOMINATION process and not an ELECTION - big difference. Elections are decided by number of votes, a nomination is simply an indication that someone thinks of that person an eligible leader. They must still meet the criteria laid out on the nomination ballet. (sample criteria: confessing Christ follower, faithful to small groups, active member of church and student ministry initiatives, concerned about peers, willing to serve, team player, etc.)
The adult leadership team can nominate as well and/or "confirm" the slate of nominations after the Student Pastor selects from the ballots. The number of votes may be considered by the youth pastor in selection but is not bound by it. He can also add a youth as a member-at-large if he fills a youth should be on it but would not get votes. NEVER REVEAL TO PARENTS OR COMMITTEE THE ACTUAL ballot return vote numbers. Only submit the slate as a total team. the shred the results - parents can get crazy - just ask the cheerleading coach :)
The team (whatever you end up naming it) is patterned after the following ideas
1. We are in the discipleship and training business. Leadership youth should be learning what it means to be an elder and/or a deacon (servants)
2. Leadership students will sit on the sidelines unless they have an outgoing extrovert personality. They need a platform of responsibility at church.
3. Leadership students need a platform from which to leverage the vision being cast by the YM.
4. The youth leaders need a platform from which to promote events, ministry action and his vision.
5. Students need to know WHO it is that the YM is pointing to as good examples to trust and follow their own age.
6. Student leaders need responsibility just like a team needs a captain to offer direction.
7. Students need peers who can carry their opinions, likes, dislikes to the adult leadership.
8. A leadership team gives the YM a means for trial and error without shouldering the burden alone.
9. A YM (no matter how young and vibrant) will eventually need a sounding board from whick to float ideas, changes, concepts and ministry events.
10. A YM needs a safe sounding board that is invested in the ministry and proven it through service.
11. A YM needs a smaller group (um, lets say about 12) to invest in on a deeper level.
12. Students need peers they can look towards as designated leaders when times are tough or in crisis or personal hurt.
13. A youth ministry team of students provides a safe layer of protection from outside negative attacks in the same way an Adult Leadership Team does for the youth minister during delicate situations or controversial changes.
14. Having a leadership team of youth shifts the emphasis from planning and executing event details to coordinating leadership.
15. Having a leadership team of youth is an investment in future leaders
16. Having a leadership team reduces the risk of burn-out
17. Promotes a greater amount of honest and age-specific evaluation.
It's Biblical
a. Moses delegated due to the sheer demand on his time. (See Exodus 18)
b. The Judges did the same; they delegated tasks inside and outside the temple.
c. The disciples enlisted assistance – Ephesians 4:11-12 to equip the saints for the work of the ministry, not so the saints can help the Minister do his job but so the saints will be equipped to do the true work of the church.
What happens when one person ties to do it all?
1. The maximum that can be done by a single person is limited, it will max out, it will come to a conclusion. You will hit a wall.
2. The disciples and lay-people turned the world upside down after being equipped to do the ministry and set apart.
Lion and Tigers illustration! If a Tiger can beat a lion in battle for food or territory, why is the Lion called the King of the Jungle! Because one-on-one a Tiger will win, but three on three Lions win every time and thus have earned the title King of the Jungle because they work together for success so intelligently. Lions instinctively know how to work together. They instinctively work to defeat their enemies. Lions live in Prides, which is a family group of two or more males and two or more females with several young, and they instinctively join together when they face an enemy. They live, hunt together and protect their families together. What a picture God has given us to model against the enemy and collaborative efforts between families.
IN the case of Student Ministry often, we find a lonely LION working hard but unable to accomplish all that is needed or expected because there is a disconnect from the pride. He is not meant to work, hunt, protect and provide alone but rather he is designed to work in, through and alongside a PRIDE. I think the "pride" is one-part student leadership team and one-part adult leadership team.
A not so cool list of leadership team names
SLT - servant leadership team
SMC - student ministry council
SMAC - student ministry action council
SMAT - student ministry action team
SC - Shepherd’s club
SLT - Servant Leadership Team
SLAT - Servant Leadership Action Team
YC – youth council
YLC – youth leadership council
Ideas, strategies, insights, and general Student Ministry shop talk.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Is simple church being taken out of context?
While I applaud this generation of youth ministers in the rediscovery of simplifying and streamlining their ministries, there is a troubling trend afoot. Here is how I see simple church being misinterpreted or misapplied.
1. Simple is not an excuse for doing nothing.
2. Simple is often applied as an alternative to burn-out when the real solution is to apply biblical equipping of the saints.
3. Relabeling your ministry as SIMPLE does not make it more effective.
4. Applying Simple Youth Ministry to an ineffective strategy will accomplish nothing.
5. Doing simple Youth Ministry can accidentally lead to doing less than God has called you to do.
6. Simple is not the same as efficient.
7. Simple is not the same as professional.
Collaborate, streamline, work smarter not harder but please don’t be that misguided trend follower that applies someone else’s plan to a totally different ministry setting due to a lack of training or energy to discover an effective strategy for your situation.
No doubt this generation of student pastors have a difficult challenge in finding ways to reach an increasingly busy, distracted and bored generation of students. Applying some of the principals for simplifying under the less-is-more strategy may be a positive move.
1. Simple is not an excuse for doing nothing.
2. Simple is often applied as an alternative to burn-out when the real solution is to apply biblical equipping of the saints.
3. Relabeling your ministry as SIMPLE does not make it more effective.
4. Applying Simple Youth Ministry to an ineffective strategy will accomplish nothing.
5. Doing simple Youth Ministry can accidentally lead to doing less than God has called you to do.
6. Simple is not the same as efficient.
7. Simple is not the same as professional.
Collaborate, streamline, work smarter not harder but please don’t be that misguided trend follower that applies someone else’s plan to a totally different ministry setting due to a lack of training or energy to discover an effective strategy for your situation.
No doubt this generation of student pastors have a difficult challenge in finding ways to reach an increasingly busy, distracted and bored generation of students. Applying some of the principals for simplifying under the less-is-more strategy may be a positive move.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Sensationalism and Agendas
Ever thought something was not right but you never took the time to prove it?
No doubt you have heard or perhaps even believed and quoted two major youth ministry myths:
Myth #1 - Youth ministers only stay at a church 18 months or less.
Myth #2 - 90% of youth are abandoning their faith after high school.
The fact is, both of these often repeated statistics are simply myths. Several youth ministry experts such as Dr. Wesley Black at South Western Baptist Theological Seminary, Dr. Ken Kageler of NYACK College and Seminary, Dr. Gary Bredfeldt of Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and Dr. Timothy Paul Jones of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary have documented the false data often repeated by so called "experts". The research behind much of raw data correcting and revealing such false negatives comes from an in-depth research project by Brandon Shields, PhD under the supervision of SBTS professors. So what are the facts? Lets look at an average youth minister in the US. A combination of surveys from approximately 3000 youth ministers reveals the following profile.
33 years old
Remains in a church position 3.9 years.
75% are married
76% are male.
94% have a 2 year college or university degree
49% of those with college degrees are ministry related majors and
42% of those with degrees are in a youth ministry emphasis or major.
62% serve in suburban ministry settings
The majority are Baptist (20%)
38% receive no health insurance benefit;
47% receive no continuing education, auto or travel allowance
43% receive no housing allowance
64% receive no social security contributions
50% receive no budget for professional supplies, resources, or books.
72% percent struggle with feelings of being inadequate or ineffective in ministry.
64% who begin ministry under age 25 with no mentor will leave the ministry in less than 4 years
78.4 % left youth ministry by age thirty-nine
22% left during their twenties
16% left the ministry in less than two years
3.1 years average at a single position
89% said they had considered leaving the ministry
57% said they would leave immediately if they had a better place to go, including secular work.
While the above data is not a glowing testimony of tenure, it does dispel much of the myth regarding 18 months.
No doubt you have heard or perhaps even believed and quoted two major youth ministry myths:
Myth #1 - Youth ministers only stay at a church 18 months or less.
Myth #2 - 90% of youth are abandoning their faith after high school.
The fact is, both of these often repeated statistics are simply myths. Several youth ministry experts such as Dr. Wesley Black at South Western Baptist Theological Seminary, Dr. Ken Kageler of NYACK College and Seminary, Dr. Gary Bredfeldt of Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and Dr. Timothy Paul Jones of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary have documented the false data often repeated by so called "experts". The research behind much of raw data correcting and revealing such false negatives comes from an in-depth research project by Brandon Shields, PhD under the supervision of SBTS professors. So what are the facts? Lets look at an average youth minister in the US. A combination of surveys from approximately 3000 youth ministers reveals the following profile.
33 years old
Remains in a church position 3.9 years.
75% are married
76% are male.
94% have a 2 year college or university degree
49% of those with college degrees are ministry related majors and
42% of those with degrees are in a youth ministry emphasis or major.
62% serve in suburban ministry settings
The majority are Baptist (20%)
38% receive no health insurance benefit;
47% receive no continuing education, auto or travel allowance
43% receive no housing allowance
64% receive no social security contributions
50% receive no budget for professional supplies, resources, or books.
72% percent struggle with feelings of being inadequate or ineffective in ministry.
64% who begin ministry under age 25 with no mentor will leave the ministry in less than 4 years
78.4 % left youth ministry by age thirty-nine
22% left during their twenties
16% left the ministry in less than two years
3.1 years average at a single position
89% said they had considered leaving the ministry
57% said they would leave immediately if they had a better place to go, including secular work.
While the above data is not a glowing testimony of tenure, it does dispel much of the myth regarding 18 months.
Myth #2 Youth Are Leaving the Christian Faith at Alarming Rates
What about youth leaving the church and abandoning the Christian faith?
The new research conducted at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary shatters the notion that youth are dropping out of church and rejecting Christ at alarming rates.
Despite how some agenda driven ministers have twisted the data to create a "new model" or to "re-think" the traditional model, the data reveals very encouraging news. In fact, the data is so positive (compared to the accepted myth) that those who have been in the trenches over the past decade or two ought to shout in celebration. What is the impetus for this celebration? It is the fact that 88% of students who graduated from conservative Southern Baptist mega-churches with a traditional approach to youth ministry stayed actively involved with church after high school graduation. While this study was conducted among mega-churches, a similarly positive indication can be extended to large, medium and small churches. Also, LifeWay found that while 70% of all denomination youth do "drop out" (attending twice or less per month) after graduation, two thirds of them return in their twenties. Those of us who live in the youth ministry world know that many strong Christian youth go "off the radar" (attending but not being counted) for about a year after graduation. Many times they simply attend but do not join. Other times, they attend on-campus bible studies or worship outlets that are not part of the data being reported. In other cases, youth simply leaver for a period while exploring new found freedom, temporarily relaxing their spiritual disciplines only to return to them after a season. The fact that two thirds our youth return to "active" status is amazing! Combine that with the 30% who were "faithful" is huge cause for celebration!
The new research conducted at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary shatters the notion that youth are dropping out of church and rejecting Christ at alarming rates.
Despite how some agenda driven ministers have twisted the data to create a "new model" or to "re-think" the traditional model, the data reveals very encouraging news. In fact, the data is so positive (compared to the accepted myth) that those who have been in the trenches over the past decade or two ought to shout in celebration. What is the impetus for this celebration? It is the fact that 88% of students who graduated from conservative Southern Baptist mega-churches with a traditional approach to youth ministry stayed actively involved with church after high school graduation. While this study was conducted among mega-churches, a similarly positive indication can be extended to large, medium and small churches. Also, LifeWay found that while 70% of all denomination youth do "drop out" (attending twice or less per month) after graduation, two thirds of them return in their twenties. Those of us who live in the youth ministry world know that many strong Christian youth go "off the radar" (attending but not being counted) for about a year after graduation. Many times they simply attend but do not join. Other times, they attend on-campus bible studies or worship outlets that are not part of the data being reported. In other cases, youth simply leaver for a period while exploring new found freedom, temporarily relaxing their spiritual disciplines only to return to them after a season. The fact that two thirds our youth return to "active" status is amazing! Combine that with the 30% who were "faithful" is huge cause for celebration!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Surprising data from USA Today on Gay Lesbian Population
Surprising data from USA Today on Gay Lesbian Population
USA TODAY
The prestigious study (released in March by the National Center for Health Statistics and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) discovered a much smaller number of "gays, lesbians and homosexuals" than generally reported by the news media. While pop-culture frequently cites the figure of one in 10 (based on 60-year-old, widely discredited conclusions from pioneering sex researcher Alfred Kinsey) the new study finds only 1.4% of the population identifying with same-sex orientation.
Moreover, even among those who describe themselves as homosexual or bisexual (a grand total of 3.7% of the 18-44 age group), overwhelming majorities (81%) say they've experienced sex with partners of the opposite gender. Among those who call themselves heterosexual, on the other hand, only a tiny minority (6%) ever engaged in physical intimacy of any kind with a member of the same sex These figure indicate that 94% of those living heterosexual lives felt no physical attraction to members of the same sex, but the great bulk of self-identified homosexuals and bisexuals feel enough intimate interest in the opposite gender to engage in erotic contact at some stage in their development.
In fact, numbers show huge majorities of those who "ever had same sex sexual contact" do not identify long-term as gay. Among women 18-44, for instance, 12.5% report some form of same sex contact at some point in their lives, but among the older segment of that group (35-44), only 0.7% identify as homosexual and 1.1% as bisexual.
In other words, for the minority who may have experimented with gay relationships at some juncture in their lives, well over 80% explicitly renounced homosexual (or even bisexual) self-identification by age of 35. For the clear majority of males (as well as women) who report gay encounters, homosexual activity appears to represent a passing phase, or even a fleeting episode, rather than an unshakable, genetically pre-determined orientation.
The once popular phrase "sexual preference" has been indignantly replaced with the term "sexual orientation" because political correctness now insists there is no factor of willfulness or volition in the development of erotic identity. This may well be the case for the 94% of males and 87% of females (ages 18-44) who have never experienced same-sex contact of any kind and may never have questioned their unwavering straight outlook — an outlook deemed "normal" in an earlier age.
For the less than 2% of men and women who see themselves as gay, however, the issue of sexual orientation remains vastly more complicated. Within a month of the release of the CDC/NCHS report, one of the world's most respected think tanks on gay life confirmed some of its most surprising findings, without specifically referencing the recent government study. UCLA's Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law and Public Policy offered a new estimate of homosexual identification: concluding that 1.7% of Americans say they're gay, and a slightly larger group (1.8%) identified as bisexual — by definition attracted to both genders and shaping their sexual behavior through some mixture of inclination and preference.
USA TODAY
The prestigious study (released in March by the National Center for Health Statistics and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) discovered a much smaller number of "gays, lesbians and homosexuals" than generally reported by the news media. While pop-culture frequently cites the figure of one in 10 (based on 60-year-old, widely discredited conclusions from pioneering sex researcher Alfred Kinsey) the new study finds only 1.4% of the population identifying with same-sex orientation.
Moreover, even among those who describe themselves as homosexual or bisexual (a grand total of 3.7% of the 18-44 age group), overwhelming majorities (81%) say they've experienced sex with partners of the opposite gender. Among those who call themselves heterosexual, on the other hand, only a tiny minority (6%) ever engaged in physical intimacy of any kind with a member of the same sex These figure indicate that 94% of those living heterosexual lives felt no physical attraction to members of the same sex, but the great bulk of self-identified homosexuals and bisexuals feel enough intimate interest in the opposite gender to engage in erotic contact at some stage in their development.
In fact, numbers show huge majorities of those who "ever had same sex sexual contact" do not identify long-term as gay. Among women 18-44, for instance, 12.5% report some form of same sex contact at some point in their lives, but among the older segment of that group (35-44), only 0.7% identify as homosexual and 1.1% as bisexual.
In other words, for the minority who may have experimented with gay relationships at some juncture in their lives, well over 80% explicitly renounced homosexual (or even bisexual) self-identification by age of 35. For the clear majority of males (as well as women) who report gay encounters, homosexual activity appears to represent a passing phase, or even a fleeting episode, rather than an unshakable, genetically pre-determined orientation.
The once popular phrase "sexual preference" has been indignantly replaced with the term "sexual orientation" because political correctness now insists there is no factor of willfulness or volition in the development of erotic identity. This may well be the case for the 94% of males and 87% of females (ages 18-44) who have never experienced same-sex contact of any kind and may never have questioned their unwavering straight outlook — an outlook deemed "normal" in an earlier age.
For the less than 2% of men and women who see themselves as gay, however, the issue of sexual orientation remains vastly more complicated. Within a month of the release of the CDC/NCHS report, one of the world's most respected think tanks on gay life confirmed some of its most surprising findings, without specifically referencing the recent government study. UCLA's Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law and Public Policy offered a new estimate of homosexual identification: concluding that 1.7% of Americans say they're gay, and a slightly larger group (1.8%) identified as bisexual — by definition attracted to both genders and shaping their sexual behavior through some mixture of inclination and preference.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Christian Response to OB being stalked and killed
I have been listening to radio and reading blogs today about the death of OB. I like the exchange taking place in many of the Christian posts but it never surprises me how people who enjoy the comfort of living in a country that actually enforces the Rule of Law and defends its freedom through necessary force, find it offensive to interpret the bible correctly regarding justice, capital punishment or killing during time of war. How much of the OT do progressives want to cut out in order to find their “comfort level” with the inspired, infallible word of God – oops there’s the problem . . . progressive revelation.
Might as well open that hanger door for all those who like to “fly” the plane but can’t seem to land it.
If political correctness creeps any further into the faith community we will have to commission a Universalist or Progressive to write a whole new bible – one that fits our culture and sophisticated, civilized society where no one is offended, left out or held accountable for personal choices - a happy place where everybody gets a trophy and hell is empty.
OK, that was a bit harsh and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s psyche, but I already admitted to being weary of the love, love, love crowd that sounds more often like a boy-band song than someone rightly dividing the word of truth. Some people get so politically correct that they rationalize every point of justice, wrath and vengeance weather a direct hit from the voice/hand of God or indirectly through the results of war. You CAN get so open-minded that your brains fall out.
What if OB’s attack on the WTC had been a home invasion? It would be a different story and harder for liberals to explain why force unto death is objectionable. Story - Repeat offender and known murderer breaks into your home with intent to kill you and your family. But, you are prepared for such a day - one you hoped and prayed would never come – but it did come and rather than falling to your knees to reason with the intruder or squatting in the closet praying over your wife and kids, you took your gun and shot him as evil-incarnate busted down your bedroom door.. No the psycho is not our enemy (as someone will surely remind me) but he is oppressed and controlled by the enemy so much so that the bullet cant tell which one to hit - so I shoot him because the life of my family is my priority and responsibility before God. If it had been a home invasion, my first prayer after emptying my clip into him, would be: “ Thank you God for granting me the mercy of life and for allowing me the terrible success of killing this psycho murdering fanatical religious child made in your image. and Thank you father for sparing the lives of other innocent victims he has sworn to murder (all Americans and Jews) so that they may have the chance to experience salvation before it is too late. Thank you for saving me from death, thank you for sparing my family and thank you that this enemy of humanity and life is dead.
I do not celebrate the addition to hell that surely increased by (1) when OB fulfilled his reservation but I do rejoice in the justice and mercy of God to stop him from perpetuating unspeakable and horrific murder on innocent men, women and children – some of whom undoubtedly left this world without knowing Christ.
Hats off to the Navy Seals and for those who risked their life that we may live in freedom to express our faith – liberal, conservative and everything in between.
OK, that feels better . . .
Might as well open that hanger door for all those who like to “fly” the plane but can’t seem to land it.
If political correctness creeps any further into the faith community we will have to commission a Universalist or Progressive to write a whole new bible – one that fits our culture and sophisticated, civilized society where no one is offended, left out or held accountable for personal choices - a happy place where everybody gets a trophy and hell is empty.
OK, that was a bit harsh and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s psyche, but I already admitted to being weary of the love, love, love crowd that sounds more often like a boy-band song than someone rightly dividing the word of truth. Some people get so politically correct that they rationalize every point of justice, wrath and vengeance weather a direct hit from the voice/hand of God or indirectly through the results of war. You CAN get so open-minded that your brains fall out.
What if OB’s attack on the WTC had been a home invasion? It would be a different story and harder for liberals to explain why force unto death is objectionable. Story - Repeat offender and known murderer breaks into your home with intent to kill you and your family. But, you are prepared for such a day - one you hoped and prayed would never come – but it did come and rather than falling to your knees to reason with the intruder or squatting in the closet praying over your wife and kids, you took your gun and shot him as evil-incarnate busted down your bedroom door.. No the psycho is not our enemy (as someone will surely remind me) but he is oppressed and controlled by the enemy so much so that the bullet cant tell which one to hit - so I shoot him because the life of my family is my priority and responsibility before God. If it had been a home invasion, my first prayer after emptying my clip into him, would be: “ Thank you God for granting me the mercy of life and for allowing me the terrible success of killing this psycho murdering fanatical religious child made in your image. and Thank you father for sparing the lives of other innocent victims he has sworn to murder (all Americans and Jews) so that they may have the chance to experience salvation before it is too late. Thank you for saving me from death, thank you for sparing my family and thank you that this enemy of humanity and life is dead.
I do not celebrate the addition to hell that surely increased by (1) when OB fulfilled his reservation but I do rejoice in the justice and mercy of God to stop him from perpetuating unspeakable and horrific murder on innocent men, women and children – some of whom undoubtedly left this world without knowing Christ.
Hats off to the Navy Seals and for those who risked their life that we may live in freedom to express our faith – liberal, conservative and everything in between.
OK, that feels better . . .
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Family Minister vs Student Pastor
There is a lot of buzz in the past 5 years about the role of the Student Minister vs. the idea of a Family Pastor doing student ministry.
Perhaps what has given the profession of student minister a bad name and a "call" for change is that many who operated in the past generation under the title of Youth Minister were in reality Directors of Student Activities in the Church. (not an actual title that I am aware of) but the point being that they were neither trained in adolescent ministry nor called by God to be the primary shepherd in "assisting" mom and dad in their biblical responsibility. While there are numerous reasons the "Family" minister replacing the Student Minister is a bad idea I would like to advocate a balanced approach and highlight the fact that many of the minster friends I have from the past 29 years of SM were doing some form of Family based, simple church, purpose driven, relational ministry with a side order of event based ministry activities all along. Family ministry . . . of course, when it can be achieved through willing and capable parents. Show me one single growing, healthy church with more than 50 students operating under a Family Minister title who is successful. Can’t find one? Me either because even those who do have a title promoting family based student ministry end up duplicating many of the same ministry programs and relational components that non-family ministry titled positions do. Why, because no matter what happens in culture - if kids have any say so at all, any discretionary time, any freedom to choose activities, a church will need to provide a platform by which to get their attention, build an atmosphere of acceptance, train their friends to disciple and evangelize and pull parents off the sidelines into a biblical parenting role of chief discipling agent in the family system.
No doubt that many churches need to blow up their so called "student ministry" and start over with a biblical, healthy comprehensive approach to making disciples within the adolescent community. Many more however simply need to refocus their primary attention on making disciples of those God entrust to them and creating an atmosphere where students can connect with caring adults whether they have supportive Jesus following parents or not.
OK, I could go on for about three more chapters but . . . I will close with a prediction that I already see happening. Those churches who abandon the role of the student pastor in favor of a true "family" minister will soon find themselves wondering why all the MS and HS students are hanging out at the church down the street - oh yeah, it’s because they still have a highly trained proficient, facilitating, point person, family advocating, relational, core group building, word preaching student pastor who knows what his job is. And, in years to come, the churches who abandon the Student Pastor position will be easy to identify because they will be the congregations with loads of AARP bumper stickers, plenty of vacant parking spaces next to the student center and no-one sitting in the first 5 rows where all the "young folks" once sat.
Perhaps what has given the profession of student minister a bad name and a "call" for change is that many who operated in the past generation under the title of Youth Minister were in reality Directors of Student Activities in the Church. (not an actual title that I am aware of) but the point being that they were neither trained in adolescent ministry nor called by God to be the primary shepherd in "assisting" mom and dad in their biblical responsibility. While there are numerous reasons the "Family" minister replacing the Student Minister is a bad idea I would like to advocate a balanced approach and highlight the fact that many of the minster friends I have from the past 29 years of SM were doing some form of Family based, simple church, purpose driven, relational ministry with a side order of event based ministry activities all along. Family ministry . . . of course, when it can be achieved through willing and capable parents. Show me one single growing, healthy church with more than 50 students operating under a Family Minister title who is successful. Can’t find one? Me either because even those who do have a title promoting family based student ministry end up duplicating many of the same ministry programs and relational components that non-family ministry titled positions do. Why, because no matter what happens in culture - if kids have any say so at all, any discretionary time, any freedom to choose activities, a church will need to provide a platform by which to get their attention, build an atmosphere of acceptance, train their friends to disciple and evangelize and pull parents off the sidelines into a biblical parenting role of chief discipling agent in the family system.
No doubt that many churches need to blow up their so called "student ministry" and start over with a biblical, healthy comprehensive approach to making disciples within the adolescent community. Many more however simply need to refocus their primary attention on making disciples of those God entrust to them and creating an atmosphere where students can connect with caring adults whether they have supportive Jesus following parents or not.
OK, I could go on for about three more chapters but . . . I will close with a prediction that I already see happening. Those churches who abandon the role of the student pastor in favor of a true "family" minister will soon find themselves wondering why all the MS and HS students are hanging out at the church down the street - oh yeah, it’s because they still have a highly trained proficient, facilitating, point person, family advocating, relational, core group building, word preaching student pastor who knows what his job is. And, in years to come, the churches who abandon the Student Pastor position will be easy to identify because they will be the congregations with loads of AARP bumper stickers, plenty of vacant parking spaces next to the student center and no-one sitting in the first 5 rows where all the "young folks" once sat.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Active Listening - A good tool for parents
Active Listening
Most parents are familiar with the concept and technique known as active listening. The problem arises when the technique gets overused or dismissed in frustration.
I am not an expert in child psychology or communication but when communicating with the adolescent world, AL becomes an an important skill that will help any parent communicate more effectively with their teen.
When you listen actively, you are sending your child the message that they are important enough to have your undivided attention. Many problems can be solved and even prevented when parents and leaders take the time to use active listening. This allows you to play the role of a guide in helping teens hear their feelings expressed and guide them into solving them. It is a practical solutions that when combined withy prayer, creates a very powerful skill.
Try these for simple steps to strengthen this skill.
• Stop what you are doing.
• Look at your child.
• Give your full attention.
• Listen to what is said.
• Comment on what you think you heard.
• Use reframing or retelling techniques.
Most parents are familiar with the concept and technique known as active listening. The problem arises when the technique gets overused or dismissed in frustration.
I am not an expert in child psychology or communication but when communicating with the adolescent world, AL becomes an an important skill that will help any parent communicate more effectively with their teen.
When you listen actively, you are sending your child the message that they are important enough to have your undivided attention. Many problems can be solved and even prevented when parents and leaders take the time to use active listening. This allows you to play the role of a guide in helping teens hear their feelings expressed and guide them into solving them. It is a practical solutions that when combined withy prayer, creates a very powerful skill.
Try these for simple steps to strengthen this skill.
• Stop what you are doing.
• Look at your child.
• Give your full attention.
• Listen to what is said.
• Comment on what you think you heard.
• Use reframing or retelling techniques.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Parental communication
I was in Orlando recently for the Youth Pastor's Summit. After day one, I stopped on the way home to meet some guys for a few hot-wings (God's favored food) and arrived a few minutes early. At a nearby booth, a mom was in a dual with her pre-school son. It was escalating by the second and I just knew that little boy was in a count-down to consequences. Any second, I pictured him being snatched from his seat and marched into the "ladies" room for a little "one-on-one time. Any moment, she is going to help him realize how unacceptable it is to speak to his mother that way. Anytime now, he is going to visit the house-of-pain for throwing a fit and yelling at his mother. I felt a reluctant smile ease onto my face as I anticipated this youngster’s moment of “understanding”, the moment it would all become clear. I prayed he would come to his senses before it was too late, before the mommy-hammer came down on his world. But that moment did not come. The next five minutes were painful . . . not painful for the boy but rather for everyone around, painful as we watched the ob-scene unfold.
This mom was trying to reason with her 5yr. old. On the one hand it was comical because she was talking over his head one minute and using a baby-mommy talk the next. Mostly it was sad because everyone (but mommy) seem to know that the moment of "reason" (which is extremely limited at 5yrs) came an left with the loud response:"NO, I WONT" and "I HATE YOU" spewing from his lips. Now let me say up front that I admit to having a lack of appreciation for and limited tolerance with the "whinese" language, baby-talk and cowardice parenting that would rather befriend their child than parent them.
Since I am not a child psychologist or counselor, you can place this in your parenting for idiots file, hit delete or consider the practical lesson for parents. Where was I, yes: (waiting for my buds and dreaming of 10 mild wings with ranch dressing) The 5yr old was winning the battle of the will and the mom was attempting to deal with his behavior like a husband and wife might discuss a difference of opinion over wold events.
You have got to be kidding me! It took all I could do not to get up, go over to their table, ease into the booth seat next to the boy, smile at the young mom and say - have YOU LOST YOUR MIND? ARE YOU REALLY THIS CLUELESS? Do you truly think that you can reason with a 5 year old? Do you think this approach is going to develop a healthy respect for authority or a better awareness that actions have consequences? Do you really expect this to do the job? Do you think he is reasonable at this age? Do you think he is going to agree to your terms and conditions for acceptable behavior without it costing him something more than “mommy is not happy with you right now . . . Quinton” ? My heart went out to her because I could see that she was a single parent mom with her hands full and . . . I've been there (ok, not there or as a single parent, but in a public place with an unhappy child on my hands).
Somewhere in the parenting process she had bought into some form of politically correct, liberal parenting style that says: "I don’t want to hurt his little psyche" or "lets be friends and reason this thing out together" or “if I spank him, someone might be offended”, or “if I get firm with him, it might harm his self esteem”. I wanted to tell her to hold the line, stand strong and be willing to be disliked or the object of ill feelings for a short while. I wanted so bad for her to say: "OK, look here young man, if you don’t straighten up we are going to take a little trip to the ladies room and it will not be so you can pee pee". Or, "if you don’t stop this right now, we are going to leave without you getting lunch and when we get home, you are going to get a whuppin to help you understand what is ok and what is not".
I wanted to tell her that this little boy does not need you to be his friend nearly as much as he needs you to be his rock. His rock of defense, his rock of offense and his rock of steadfast unconditional love. Dr. James Dobson has an old book called "Parenting isn't for Cowards" and I would love to place a copy into her hands. She needs it, I needed it, we all need help to parent. My kids are grown now so I can confess my many mistakes along the way but one thing I do know is that PARENTING is hard work. Loving your child enough to PARENT WELL requires a lot more than being liked, reasoning out behavior, everyone being happy and peace without battles. Parenting is messy, wonderful, painful and incredible and by God's grace Christian parents can contribute to a sturdy generation-next.
So what . . . ? So . . . stand strong and parent well in the grace of Jesus. For parents, it is a high calling to take very serious. For student pastors, it is a needed ministry to the parents of those you lead.
BTW, the 5 year old must have won because he did not have to sit down, he did get to order exactly what he wanted, she did give him money for the video games, he did not have to eat what she had paid for and he continued to be belligerent but . . . he was kind enough to use his “inside” voice.
Good luck parent . . . I mean, mom. Maybe the student pastor can “fix” him for you when he reaches middles school . . . if you will drop him off at youth group or sign him up for camp . . . . if that makes him happy . . . or if your not too tired or if you have enough money after sports camp, vacation and summer entertainment.
This mom was trying to reason with her 5yr. old. On the one hand it was comical because she was talking over his head one minute and using a baby-mommy talk the next. Mostly it was sad because everyone (but mommy) seem to know that the moment of "reason" (which is extremely limited at 5yrs) came an left with the loud response:"NO, I WONT" and "I HATE YOU" spewing from his lips. Now let me say up front that I admit to having a lack of appreciation for and limited tolerance with the "whinese" language, baby-talk and cowardice parenting that would rather befriend their child than parent them.
Since I am not a child psychologist or counselor, you can place this in your parenting for idiots file, hit delete or consider the practical lesson for parents. Where was I, yes: (waiting for my buds and dreaming of 10 mild wings with ranch dressing) The 5yr old was winning the battle of the will and the mom was attempting to deal with his behavior like a husband and wife might discuss a difference of opinion over wold events.
You have got to be kidding me! It took all I could do not to get up, go over to their table, ease into the booth seat next to the boy, smile at the young mom and say - have YOU LOST YOUR MIND? ARE YOU REALLY THIS CLUELESS? Do you truly think that you can reason with a 5 year old? Do you think this approach is going to develop a healthy respect for authority or a better awareness that actions have consequences? Do you really expect this to do the job? Do you think he is reasonable at this age? Do you think he is going to agree to your terms and conditions for acceptable behavior without it costing him something more than “mommy is not happy with you right now . . . Quinton” ? My heart went out to her because I could see that she was a single parent mom with her hands full and . . . I've been there (ok, not there or as a single parent, but in a public place with an unhappy child on my hands).
Somewhere in the parenting process she had bought into some form of politically correct, liberal parenting style that says: "I don’t want to hurt his little psyche" or "lets be friends and reason this thing out together" or “if I spank him, someone might be offended”, or “if I get firm with him, it might harm his self esteem”. I wanted to tell her to hold the line, stand strong and be willing to be disliked or the object of ill feelings for a short while. I wanted so bad for her to say: "OK, look here young man, if you don’t straighten up we are going to take a little trip to the ladies room and it will not be so you can pee pee". Or, "if you don’t stop this right now, we are going to leave without you getting lunch and when we get home, you are going to get a whuppin to help you understand what is ok and what is not".
I wanted to tell her that this little boy does not need you to be his friend nearly as much as he needs you to be his rock. His rock of defense, his rock of offense and his rock of steadfast unconditional love. Dr. James Dobson has an old book called "Parenting isn't for Cowards" and I would love to place a copy into her hands. She needs it, I needed it, we all need help to parent. My kids are grown now so I can confess my many mistakes along the way but one thing I do know is that PARENTING is hard work. Loving your child enough to PARENT WELL requires a lot more than being liked, reasoning out behavior, everyone being happy and peace without battles. Parenting is messy, wonderful, painful and incredible and by God's grace Christian parents can contribute to a sturdy generation-next.
So what . . . ? So . . . stand strong and parent well in the grace of Jesus. For parents, it is a high calling to take very serious. For student pastors, it is a needed ministry to the parents of those you lead.
BTW, the 5 year old must have won because he did not have to sit down, he did get to order exactly what he wanted, she did give him money for the video games, he did not have to eat what she had paid for and he continued to be belligerent but . . . he was kind enough to use his “inside” voice.
Good luck parent . . . I mean, mom. Maybe the student pastor can “fix” him for you when he reaches middles school . . . if you will drop him off at youth group or sign him up for camp . . . . if that makes him happy . . . or if your not too tired or if you have enough money after sports camp, vacation and summer entertainment.
Monday, February 28, 2011
What do students expect at church?
We can be tempted to think that students really do not care about what happens at church. After all, they are the post-modern, post-sacrificial, post-caring generation that don't give a rip. However, I find that many students do care, do want input and do have expectations.
I like what Barna reveals in the following results:
What expectations do teens have about attending church? What do they expect from the time they "invest" ?
45% Worship or make a connection with God.
42% Better understand what I believe
34% Spend time with friends
34% Get encouraged or inspired
30% Volunteer to help others.
What do teens learn from their experiences in church? (top four answers)
65% Moral and ethical standards
62% Relationships
55% Faith traditions
50% Personal evangelism
I like what Barna reveals in the following results:
What expectations do teens have about attending church? What do they expect from the time they "invest" ?
45% Worship or make a connection with God.
42% Better understand what I believe
34% Spend time with friends
34% Get encouraged or inspired
30% Volunteer to help others.
What do teens learn from their experiences in church? (top four answers)
65% Moral and ethical standards
62% Relationships
55% Faith traditions
50% Personal evangelism
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
A Few Student Ministry Stats
•88% of children raised in Christian families leave church at the age of 18, never to return (SBC).
•A majority of adults no longer consider Christianity America’s default faith (Barna).
•64% of decisions for Christ are made before the age of 18, and 77% are made before the age of 21 (Barna).
•An estimated 4% of the “bridger” generation, or Gen Y, will be Bible-believing Christians when they reach adulthood. Their grandparents’ generation: 65%. Their parents’ generation: 35%. (Bridger Generation by Thom S. Rainer).
•A student ministry that provides outwardly focused ministries keep 61% of students compared to 47% of those who do not. (Rainer)
•A student ministry that provides mission action as a componant of regular ministry will keep 11% more students than those who do not.(Rainer)
•A majority of adults no longer consider Christianity America’s default faith (Barna).
•64% of decisions for Christ are made before the age of 18, and 77% are made before the age of 21 (Barna).
•An estimated 4% of the “bridger” generation, or Gen Y, will be Bible-believing Christians when they reach adulthood. Their grandparents’ generation: 65%. Their parents’ generation: 35%. (Bridger Generation by Thom S. Rainer).
•A student ministry that provides outwardly focused ministries keep 61% of students compared to 47% of those who do not. (Rainer)
•A student ministry that provides mission action as a componant of regular ministry will keep 11% more students than those who do not.(Rainer)
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