Cell Phone Rescue

I recently saw a commercials for a Smart Phone that will actually "save" you from your cell phone. The commercial is sort of cool but I am not sure a phone can cure our generation of this present "connection" epidemic. Yes, epidemic because some people do not have any will-power or edicate when it comes to their cell.

The implication from the commercial is that people are so attached to their phones for daily scheduling, life style data, social networking, on the job communication and customized information resource that they need rescuing from their phone.

I have watched people walk through parking lots with eyes glued to a 3.5" screen so focused that their life was endangered from reasonable motorist.
I see moms who cant give attention to their children because "every" phone call must be answered. Like a speed dialing tornado they multi-task between text, talk and taxi service; conquering the day like a professional cell-mate. I watch dads who look like corporate phone zombies- dead to all that is around them except the life umbilical of of the blackberry or iphone. They have no willpower over the ring - and the little league game soon turns into a after hours sales call.

Phone Etiquette: don't get me started. I would love to tap the guy on the shoulder in the booth next to me at lunch and say: Hey buddy, yeah you with the blue tooth in your ear - do you mind taking that call outside where no one gives a crap. Does the concept of "common space" mean anything in the book of courtesy anymore?

BTW . . . the blue tooth is not really all that cool anymore, so lets all agree that we can remove the little blue-light-blinkers unless driving. Besides, walking around Walmart or the local lunch deli talking to yourself no longer impresses whoever it is that needs impressing - unless the person is sporting a "mullet" cut and still gets a excited when Billy Ray sings Achey Breaky.

Are smart phones really that great? Yes, just ask my digital assistant on my iphone. The apps are amazing! Besides keeping me informed, they make me appear Geek-Squad approved.
But, do we need rescuing . . . I think so . . . but the newest phone out there will not be able to rescue us.
A simple exercise of self-control and discipline will do the trick.
So here is some Rocket Science - Put the phone down. Leave the call for later. Let your kids see you decide NOT to take the call because your with them. Wait on that reply text. Give the kids in the family taxi your full attention. And for heaven sakes . . . stop texting and driving before you KILL SOMEBODY!
PS the verdict is still out on Voice-to-Text apps while driving :)

4 Great Books for Student Ministry Development

Every minister must make time to do a little continuing Ed reading about Culture, Management and how to be successful in Student Ministry for the long-haul. Below are a few good books to add to your personal library.

1. Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers by Christian Smith and Melinda Lundquist Denton
2. unCHRISTIAN: What a new generation really thinks about Christianity . . . and why it matters by David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons (Research from the Barna Group)
3. Student Ministry and the SUPREMACY of CHRIST by Richard Ross
4. Almost Christian: What the faith of our teenagers is telling the American Church by Kendra Creasy Dean

Student Minister Tenure

Most of us have heard it quoted that the average length of a youth minister's stay at any one church is a year and a half. Even though this little stat has been a staple food among church chatters for a long time it should be put to rest.

A research group has went on record to help put an end to the 18 month myth. The newest research shows the average paid student ministry leader remains at their church for 3.9 years. What an improvement real data can make to the perception of student ministry gypsies.

While this is encouraging information, lets not begin the dance too soon. We need to keep in mind that the life expectancy of a professional quarterback is 6.9 years and the life expectancy of a full time student pastor is just 6.8 years.

Have you ever stopped to think about how much the two jobs have in common?
1. They are both glorious and grand jobs.
2. No one cares what you did last year. Its this season, this semester that counts.
3. Everyone knows the right play to call for each situation. Monday morning brings everything to light.
4. Everyone knows what your signing bonus was.
5. The weight of the team is upon your shoulders.
6. The owner reserves the right to interfere with the management and coaching.
7. The fans can be fickle.
8. The pay scale and off season are nearly identical (OK,just the first seven)

Seven Parenting No No's

The following tips may sound elementary but often I encounter parents violating several basic parenting rules. Sense we all need help with some area of parenting, I thought I would share the most common and essential Do's and Don'ts of parenting.

1. Never ridicule a child in front of others. Deal with discipline in private unless it is absolutely unavoidable. In such cases, apologize for having to deal with it here and now.

2. Do not call a child a name, even if it they completely define the name you are using. Believe me, I have called hundreds of children and teens unflattering names under my breath. Then I pray for God to help me hold my tongue and prevent them from reading my mind.

3. Under no circumstances should an adult ever bully their child. I am talking about being physically overpowering for display or compliance in a non-caring manner.

4. Refrain from saying “no” simply because you don’t want to be bothered or for no reason.

5. Never gossip about your child or other children. Sharing confirmed information that will help someone or prevent something terrible from occurring is not gossip. Sharing half truths and rumors about other children is!

6. Stay under control. Do not scream, shout or threaten your child. You can get the same results by being deliberate, firm and forceful but doing so calmly.

7. Don’t resort to using the silent treatment to punish or withhold your love.

Of course this list is not exhaustive, but violating any of the seven will surly devalue a child while at the same time push them towards the wrong crowd, where they will feel valued.
Why is watching what you say to your kids a big deal? Because deflating words will lead to critical, deflated and insecure kids. So, tame the tongue or zip the lip but don’t excuse it!

Teenagers and Lying

Mark Gregston offers some quick insights into students and a trend in lying.
The latest “Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth” (by the Josephson Institute of Ethics) shows that teens are lying more often, and more easily, than ever.

Dishonesty may seem like a minor issue in comparison to other adolescent problems like drug abuse or sexual promiscuity, but it is a vice that parents should never ignore or allow to creep into the teen’s lifestyle.

Dishonesty is rooted in an attitude of disrespect; disrespect for others, for authority, and for your family’s values. It won’t go away with the mere passage of time. It will reappear at significant stress points in your child’s life, and that can land them in real trouble. So, deal immediately with every instance of dishonesty today, and you’ll be avoiding bigger problems tomorrow.

Discipline & Consequences

Discipline and Consequences
Discipline is when we as parents apply punishment in order to gain control of situation, influence behavior, shape someones future actions or enforce obedience to a system of rules.
Consequences are outcomes that can be either negative or positive resulting from a person’s action. An average person, by nature will naturally strive towards positive outcomes. We tend to gauge our behavior based on the positive or negative outcomes we experience. When disciplining teenagers, experts will point out two types of consequences to focus on: natural and logical. Both types can be positive or negative.
A quick look into each:
Natural consequences obviously occur . . . uh, naturally. In other words, they are consequences that are not created or manipulated by anyone. For example, if you are careless with a hammer and you hit your thumb, it will hurt, possibly swell and turn blue. If on the other hand, you plant a tulip seed, nurture it with water and sunlight, you will naturally observe the blooming of a beautiful flower.

Logical consequences, on the other hand are situations created by someone in a position of authority and are logically connected to the wrong. We think of it as logical because it fits or matches the outlined offense. For example, if your teen does not clean up their bedroom, he/she will not be allowed to go with friends Friday night. On the other hand, if he/she finishes raking the yard by Friday, use of the family car will be provided for a weekend outing.

We want our children to learn from their mistakes, but we have the choice of allowing our children to face natural consequences or impose logical ones. But how do you choose between the two types of consequences? When is one more effective than the other?
When natural consequences are immediate they are the most effective. Too often though, natural consequences are not immediate or either they are too dangerous to allow. For example, texting while driving could produce serious consequences. Not wearing a seat belt when driving may or may not result in a less immediate natural consequence. Both are important but pose a decision for parents. In both, natural consequences aren’t what a parent should use to teach their teen the responsibility of their own safety and it is up to the parents to sort out a logical consequence that will promote the desired behavior – in this instance not running into the street without looking or wearing a seatbelt.
Another instance of when logical consequences will be more effective than natural consequences is while your teen is getting a high school education. The benefits of good grades in school are so far off into the future that teens do not fully comprehend them. While your teen can repeat what he/she has been told: ‘good grades will get you into a good college and you’ll make more money’, until he/she sees the type of job or paycheck a college education can get, he/she will not understand the difference. Logical consequences, including rewards for good grades and privileges taken for poor grades work best as your teen can fully understand these.
There are times when the natural consequence is the better choice for the parent to make. One excellent example is when your teen is dating or making friends. Finding out what type of person your teen wants to be with and how your teen wants to be treated is going to be his/her choice. Dating or making friends with someone who isn’t his/her type is going to show that to him/her. Barring any mistreatment from a friend or a date, parents will need to hold their tongue and refrain from giving their opinions in order to let the natural consequences – positive or negative – happen.
Discipline choices are never easy. Hopefully knowing the difference between natural and logical consequences will help you make the right choices for you and your teen.
IS