At a recent Parent Conference, a single mom of a 9th grade girl pulled me aside to talk during the break. She wanted to know how she might identify the symptoms of teenage eating disorders. Not being a psychiatrist, Nutritional expert or medical doctor, I gave her a few quick insights and told her I would have to get back to her. (yes, there was the tired part of me that wanted to tell her to google or bing it for herself) But seeing the desperation and pain in her eyes, the Student Pastor side won out. Later that week and after a little research, I sent her the following notes and encouraged her to seek professional help from a trained counselor who specializes in treating teenagers addictive or destructive behavior.
Destructive eating habits can be related stress, tension, poor nutritional habits and cultural food fads. Unfortunately, the issue of eating disorders are relatively common problems for today's teenagers.
According to several studies, eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa and bulimia, are on the increase among teenage girls and young women. They study also shows that the problem tends to run in families. In the US, it is estimated that 10% of young women suffer from an eating disorder. While eating disorders also occur in boys, there are much fewer cases and not as difficult to treat.
The below notes are a good reminder for all of us. Sooner or later we will have to pray with a parent and youth who is in deep trouble from food . . . or the lack of it.
The two main disorders, anorexia nervosa and bulimia are characterized by a preoccupation with food and a distortion of body image. Sadly, one of the dangers les in the fact that most teenagers hide these serious and sometimes fatal disorders from their families and friends.
Symptoms and warning signs of anorexia nervosa and bulimia include the following:
• A teenager with anorexia nervosa is typically a perfectionist and a high achiever in school. At the same time, she suffers from low self-esteem, irrationally believing she is fat regardless of how thin she becomes. Desperately needing a feeling of mastery over her life, the teenager with anorexia nervosa experiences a sense of control only when she says "no" to the normal food demands of her body. In a relentless pursuit to be thin, the girl starves herself. This often reaches the point of serious damage to the body, and in a small number of cases may lead to death.
• The symptoms of bulimia are usually different from those of anorexia nervosa. The patient binges on huge quantities of high-caloric food and/or purges her body of dreaded calories by self-induced vomiting and often by using laxatives. These binges may alternate with severe diets, resulting in dramatic weight fluctuations. Teenagers may try to hide the signs of throwing up by running water while spending long periods of time in the bathroom. The purging of bulimia presents a serious threat to the patient's physical health, including dehydration, hormonal imbalance, the depletion of important minerals, and damage to vital organs.
With comprehensive treatment, most teenagers can be relieved of the symptoms or helped to control eating disorders. The child and adolescent psychiatrist is trained to evaluate, diagnose, and treat these psychiatric disorders. Treatment for eating disorders usually requires a team approach; including individual therapy, family therapy, working with a primary care physician, working with a nutritionist, and medication. Many adolescents also suffer from other problems; including depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. It is important to recognize and get appropriate treatment for these problems as well.
Research shows that early identification and treatment leads to more favorable outcomes. Parents who notice symptoms of anorexia or bulimia in their teenagers should ask their family physician or pediatrician for a referral to a child and adolescent psychiatrist.
AND lest we forget where true power lies . . . read Ezra 10:4 "Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it."
Ideas, strategies, insights, and general Student Ministry shop talk.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Features of Three Stages of Adolescent Development
Table 1: Key Features of the Three Stages of Adolescent Development
Aspect of
Development Early Adolescence
Ages 10-13 Middle Adolescence
Ages 14-16 Late Adolescence
Ages 17-19
Physical • Significant physical/ sexual maturation
• Intense concern with body image • Continuing physical/ sexual changes
• Less concern with body image • Physical/ sexual changes complete
• Greater acceptance of physical appearance
Cognitive • Concrete thinking • Growth of capacity to think abstractly • Capacity for abstract thought in place
Emotional • Growing independence in decision-making • Development pf sense of identity
• Exploration of ability to attract partners begins • Sense of identity established
Social • Increasing influence of peers
• Feeling attracted to others begins • Enormous influence of peers/school environment
• Increase in sexual interest • Family influence more in balance with peer influence
• Serious intimate relationships begin to develop
• Transition to work, college, independent living
Behavioral • Experimenting with new ways of behaving begins • Risk-taking behavior • Capacity for realistic risk assessment
top
Developmental Tasks
Adolescents face the major task of creating stable identities and becoming complete and productive adults (Perkins, Adolescence: Developmental Tasks, 2001). They take on this task in small steps along the way as they adapt to the changes they experience. These steps are themselves significant challenges and are listed in Table 2, adapted from Perkins (2001), Stroufe (1988), and American Psychological Association (2002):
________________________________________
Table 2: Reaching Adolescent Developmental Goals
Developmental Goal Reaching the Goal: Facts and Tips
Achieve new level of closeness and trust with peers. Adolescents learn through experimentation to interact with others in more adult ways.
Gain independence from parents and develop new status within the family. Change is smoother if adolescents and their parents agree on some level of independence that increases over time. Example: Setting curfew times that increase as the adolescent matures and demonstrates responsible behavior.
Develop a sense of personal identity. New cognitive abilities give adolescents the chance to reflect on who they are and what makes them unique. Adults can help adolescents in this quest by:
• Engaging them with non-threatening questions, such as: Who do you admire? What do you like to do in your free time? What do you consider to be your strengths? What have you done in your life that you feel proud of?
• Casually showing rational decision-making strategies, such as discussing how someone you know defined a problem, generated options, anticipated outcomes, and made a decision.
• Discussing ethical and moral problems that are in the news.
Move toward autonomy in the larger world. Adolescents need to begin to explore what will be their place in the world. Adults can help them to gain insightful experience by encouraging them to:
• Take on more responsibility in schoolwork and school-related activities.
• Get involved in community activities.
• Hold part-time or summer jobs.
• Develop future goals.
• Examine career/educational options.
top
Four Major Questions Facing Adolescents
The growth of one's intellect from concrete to abstract thinking makes adolescence an intense time of self-discovery. In their quest to define themselves and their relationship to the world, adolescents begin to ask themselves four basic abstract questions (Perkins, "Adolescence: The Four Questions," 2001):
• Who am I? (pertaining to his or her sexuality and social roles)
• Am I normal? (Do I fit in with a certain crowd?)
• Am I competent? (Am I good at something that is valued by peers and parents?)
• Am I lovable and loving? (can someone besides Mom and Dad love me?)
Adults who work with adolescents need to recognize that these questions are quite central to the concerns of adolescents and should give them a chance to explore their own beliefs and find their own answers to these questions. Guidelines for assisting adolescents in their quest to answer each of these questions follow in Table 3 (Perkins, 2001).
top
________________________________________
Table 3: Four Major Questions Facing Adolescents — Guidelines for Adults
Question Guidelines for Adults
Who am I? • Give them the freedom to explore their world. Only then can adolescents begin to answer this question.
Am I normal? • Give them room to be like their peers. Fitting in with peers helps adolescents feel "normal."
• Monitor youth activities by using the four "W" questions:
o Where are you going?
o With whom are you going?
o What are you doing?
o When will you be home?
Am I competent? • Assist adolescents with their problems and challenges but do not solve them.
• Ask questions instead of telling, such "What are some things you could do?"
• Guide but do not direct.
Am I lovable and loving? Adolescents develop best when they have supportive families and community life that include:
• Warmth and mutual respect.
• Serious and lasting interest of parents and other adults.
• Adult attention to the changes they are experiencing.
• Clear standards regarding discipline and close supervision.
• Communication of high expectations for achievement and ethical behavior.
• Democratic ways of dealing with conflict.
Aspect of
Development Early Adolescence
Ages 10-13 Middle Adolescence
Ages 14-16 Late Adolescence
Ages 17-19
Physical • Significant physical/ sexual maturation
• Intense concern with body image • Continuing physical/ sexual changes
• Less concern with body image • Physical/ sexual changes complete
• Greater acceptance of physical appearance
Cognitive • Concrete thinking • Growth of capacity to think abstractly • Capacity for abstract thought in place
Emotional • Growing independence in decision-making • Development pf sense of identity
• Exploration of ability to attract partners begins • Sense of identity established
Social • Increasing influence of peers
• Feeling attracted to others begins • Enormous influence of peers/school environment
• Increase in sexual interest • Family influence more in balance with peer influence
• Serious intimate relationships begin to develop
• Transition to work, college, independent living
Behavioral • Experimenting with new ways of behaving begins • Risk-taking behavior • Capacity for realistic risk assessment
top
Developmental Tasks
Adolescents face the major task of creating stable identities and becoming complete and productive adults (Perkins, Adolescence: Developmental Tasks, 2001). They take on this task in small steps along the way as they adapt to the changes they experience. These steps are themselves significant challenges and are listed in Table 2, adapted from Perkins (2001), Stroufe (1988), and American Psychological Association (2002):
________________________________________
Table 2: Reaching Adolescent Developmental Goals
Developmental Goal Reaching the Goal: Facts and Tips
Achieve new level of closeness and trust with peers. Adolescents learn through experimentation to interact with others in more adult ways.
Gain independence from parents and develop new status within the family. Change is smoother if adolescents and their parents agree on some level of independence that increases over time. Example: Setting curfew times that increase as the adolescent matures and demonstrates responsible behavior.
Develop a sense of personal identity. New cognitive abilities give adolescents the chance to reflect on who they are and what makes them unique. Adults can help adolescents in this quest by:
• Engaging them with non-threatening questions, such as: Who do you admire? What do you like to do in your free time? What do you consider to be your strengths? What have you done in your life that you feel proud of?
• Casually showing rational decision-making strategies, such as discussing how someone you know defined a problem, generated options, anticipated outcomes, and made a decision.
• Discussing ethical and moral problems that are in the news.
Move toward autonomy in the larger world. Adolescents need to begin to explore what will be their place in the world. Adults can help them to gain insightful experience by encouraging them to:
• Take on more responsibility in schoolwork and school-related activities.
• Get involved in community activities.
• Hold part-time or summer jobs.
• Develop future goals.
• Examine career/educational options.
top
Four Major Questions Facing Adolescents
The growth of one's intellect from concrete to abstract thinking makes adolescence an intense time of self-discovery. In their quest to define themselves and their relationship to the world, adolescents begin to ask themselves four basic abstract questions (Perkins, "Adolescence: The Four Questions," 2001):
• Who am I? (pertaining to his or her sexuality and social roles)
• Am I normal? (Do I fit in with a certain crowd?)
• Am I competent? (Am I good at something that is valued by peers and parents?)
• Am I lovable and loving? (can someone besides Mom and Dad love me?)
Adults who work with adolescents need to recognize that these questions are quite central to the concerns of adolescents and should give them a chance to explore their own beliefs and find their own answers to these questions. Guidelines for assisting adolescents in their quest to answer each of these questions follow in Table 3 (Perkins, 2001).
top
________________________________________
Table 3: Four Major Questions Facing Adolescents — Guidelines for Adults
Question Guidelines for Adults
Who am I? • Give them the freedom to explore their world. Only then can adolescents begin to answer this question.
Am I normal? • Give them room to be like their peers. Fitting in with peers helps adolescents feel "normal."
• Monitor youth activities by using the four "W" questions:
o Where are you going?
o With whom are you going?
o What are you doing?
o When will you be home?
Am I competent? • Assist adolescents with their problems and challenges but do not solve them.
• Ask questions instead of telling, such "What are some things you could do?"
• Guide but do not direct.
Am I lovable and loving? Adolescents develop best when they have supportive families and community life that include:
• Warmth and mutual respect.
• Serious and lasting interest of parents and other adults.
• Adult attention to the changes they are experiencing.
• Clear standards regarding discipline and close supervision.
• Communication of high expectations for achievement and ethical behavior.
• Democratic ways of dealing with conflict.
Communication Skills
Active Listening
Most parents are not ignorant of the concept and technique known as active listening. The problem arises when you overuse it or dismiss it in frustration. As an important skill for every parent and should be mastered. When you listen actively, you are sending your child the message that they are important enough to have your undivided attention. Many problems can be solved and even prevented when parents and leaders take the time to use active listening. This allows you to play the role of guide in helping teens be able to guide children into solving his/her problem with practical solutions and prayer.
Try these for simple steps to strengthen this skill.
• Stop what you are doing.
• Look at your child.
• Give your full attention.
• Listen to what is said.
• Comment on what you think you heard. Use reframing or retelling techniques.
Remember, don’t overdo it. Don’t over animate your expression and don’t sound as if you are doing this to step down to a less mature level.
Most parents are not ignorant of the concept and technique known as active listening. The problem arises when you overuse it or dismiss it in frustration. As an important skill for every parent and should be mastered. When you listen actively, you are sending your child the message that they are important enough to have your undivided attention. Many problems can be solved and even prevented when parents and leaders take the time to use active listening. This allows you to play the role of guide in helping teens be able to guide children into solving his/her problem with practical solutions and prayer.
Try these for simple steps to strengthen this skill.
• Stop what you are doing.
• Look at your child.
• Give your full attention.
• Listen to what is said.
• Comment on what you think you heard. Use reframing or retelling techniques.
Remember, don’t overdo it. Don’t over animate your expression and don’t sound as if you are doing this to step down to a less mature level.
Adolescence: The Last Step Before Becoming An Adult
Adolescence: The Last Step Before Becoming An Adult
All children will journey through several developmental stages on their road to adulthood. Sometimes these stages look more like steps that must be completed before continuing on. For most (there are always rare exceptions) there are four or five such stages of growth where kids learn and model certain things. 1. Infancy (birth to age two), 2. Early childhood (ages 3 to 8 years), 3. Later childhood (ages 9 to 12) and 4. Adolescence (ages 13 to 18). Sometimes there is more of a distinct stage between later childhood and adolescence called pre-adolescence (age 13-14). But for most the basic four are propionate and distinct. In most countries and especially in the US, anyone 18 and over are considered adults in society. While some try to prolong their adolescence, others try to achieve it too quickly. On average, we all grew up and are growing up in this same pattern.
Parents typically will learn how to take care of their baby and young children from reading, observing and examples in their life. At the hospital or with the doctor, you might pick up information about what to feed them or how long they should sleep. Later, school faculty may remind you about the importance of talking and reading to your young children. You can also see how your friends or relatives treat their kids. You cannot say the same thing about learning to talk with teenagers (adolescents). It seems like everyone, even teachers and neighbors have difficulty relating to and understanding today’s students. Some give up and give in by simply doing and saying the same things your parents did at that age. Caution: those were different times!
You can begin to understand and relate to this age group much more effectively if you remind yourself where this group of people are in the overall growth sequence. Remember that fall right next to the adult stage, the last step before being an adult. Simple, but often we adults forget that even though they might look like, dress like and talk like an adult (at least when they want to) that they are NOT yet adults.
During this pre-adult stage, teens are trying to determine their future. Will I attend college or where will I attend college. What will I do for work? Will I have a family? Will I get married? Will I get rich or will I be poor? What tragedies will I face? The point is: that one of the first major steps towards healthy independence is that teens must start making their own decisions. There must be a gradual separation and restraint from rescueing and deciding for them when something big is at stake. Of course if the decsions and lessons could be learned with the same influence without consequences, we parents would opt for that. We don’t want to see our kids in pain but it is necessary for healthy development. To do this they must put a little distance between themselves and their parents. This does not mean that you can't continue to ``look after them'' or help them when needed. You should, as much as possible, let them learn from the results of their actions. Example: they no longer want to go to youth group because “everyone is in middle school” or “I don’t get anything out of it” or “none of my friends go”. OK, listen up parents! This is not an example of giving them space. They may miss occasionally due to conflicts with youth group but the vast majority of the time they need to be connected to their youth group every week! Not monthly, weekly. One day you might need that support group called Youth Ministry – and then it is too late to slap it all together and it be adequate. Keep that as a non-option in the game of distance and freedom. Let their decision space be in the area of savings, spending, flexible times for curfew with good track record, choice of family outings, etc.
Remember, adolescents also need to be around other adults, both male and female. Don’t negate the important influence of grandparents, relatives, neighbors, coaches or teachers. Of course, they should be positive role models. Your teenagers can learn from them about things like how to fix the car, getting along with others, responsibility, family systems or ideas for future jobs. Finally, don't worry if they want to spend time alone. Adolescents can kill lots of minutes day dreaming about their future life. However, make sure that the same minutes of freedom are not outnumbering their constructive minutes. A good statement you can use to declare to your teenager as a way of thinking, working, prioritizing and living is: What do I NEED to do before I do what I WANT to do.
Life is good, Live well!
All children will journey through several developmental stages on their road to adulthood. Sometimes these stages look more like steps that must be completed before continuing on. For most (there are always rare exceptions) there are four or five such stages of growth where kids learn and model certain things. 1. Infancy (birth to age two), 2. Early childhood (ages 3 to 8 years), 3. Later childhood (ages 9 to 12) and 4. Adolescence (ages 13 to 18). Sometimes there is more of a distinct stage between later childhood and adolescence called pre-adolescence (age 13-14). But for most the basic four are propionate and distinct. In most countries and especially in the US, anyone 18 and over are considered adults in society. While some try to prolong their adolescence, others try to achieve it too quickly. On average, we all grew up and are growing up in this same pattern.
Parents typically will learn how to take care of their baby and young children from reading, observing and examples in their life. At the hospital or with the doctor, you might pick up information about what to feed them or how long they should sleep. Later, school faculty may remind you about the importance of talking and reading to your young children. You can also see how your friends or relatives treat their kids. You cannot say the same thing about learning to talk with teenagers (adolescents). It seems like everyone, even teachers and neighbors have difficulty relating to and understanding today’s students. Some give up and give in by simply doing and saying the same things your parents did at that age. Caution: those were different times!
You can begin to understand and relate to this age group much more effectively if you remind yourself where this group of people are in the overall growth sequence. Remember that fall right next to the adult stage, the last step before being an adult. Simple, but often we adults forget that even though they might look like, dress like and talk like an adult (at least when they want to) that they are NOT yet adults.
During this pre-adult stage, teens are trying to determine their future. Will I attend college or where will I attend college. What will I do for work? Will I have a family? Will I get married? Will I get rich or will I be poor? What tragedies will I face? The point is: that one of the first major steps towards healthy independence is that teens must start making their own decisions. There must be a gradual separation and restraint from rescueing and deciding for them when something big is at stake. Of course if the decsions and lessons could be learned with the same influence without consequences, we parents would opt for that. We don’t want to see our kids in pain but it is necessary for healthy development. To do this they must put a little distance between themselves and their parents. This does not mean that you can't continue to ``look after them'' or help them when needed. You should, as much as possible, let them learn from the results of their actions. Example: they no longer want to go to youth group because “everyone is in middle school” or “I don’t get anything out of it” or “none of my friends go”. OK, listen up parents! This is not an example of giving them space. They may miss occasionally due to conflicts with youth group but the vast majority of the time they need to be connected to their youth group every week! Not monthly, weekly. One day you might need that support group called Youth Ministry – and then it is too late to slap it all together and it be adequate. Keep that as a non-option in the game of distance and freedom. Let their decision space be in the area of savings, spending, flexible times for curfew with good track record, choice of family outings, etc.
Remember, adolescents also need to be around other adults, both male and female. Don’t negate the important influence of grandparents, relatives, neighbors, coaches or teachers. Of course, they should be positive role models. Your teenagers can learn from them about things like how to fix the car, getting along with others, responsibility, family systems or ideas for future jobs. Finally, don't worry if they want to spend time alone. Adolescents can kill lots of minutes day dreaming about their future life. However, make sure that the same minutes of freedom are not outnumbering their constructive minutes. A good statement you can use to declare to your teenager as a way of thinking, working, prioritizing and living is: What do I NEED to do before I do what I WANT to do.
Life is good, Live well!
Managing Summertime Access to Technology
MEDIA MATTERS
Managing your kid’s summertime access to technology.
The availability of technology in today’s culture forces us to choose who is allowed access to our home and our children and with what parameters that access is granted. During the summer when school is out and kids have more free time, the decisions regarding media and managing it are even more crucial.
PARENTING TIPS
1. BE VIGILANT: Be alert and pro-active when considering the technology diet of your children. Ie: Know the ratings, research the content and consider the message.
2. GET SMART: Face it, our culture is dangerous. The “I am not tech savvy” mentality or “I don’t have time to learn that” attitude is no longer affordable. Learn how to navigate Parental Controls. If you are technologically challenged, recruit a techy friend as a tutor or visit the Geek Squad.
3. PROMOTE DIALOGUE: Turn your monitoring minutes into teachable moments by engaging your children about questionable messages, language or images. Focus on asking open ended questions that lead to scriptural principals on which they can stand.
4. OFFER A BALANCED DIET: Two hours with the X-Box can be countered by two chapters in a summer reading assignment. A TV show or movie may be complimented by a family game or group activity. Be careful that your child does not become addicted to the indoors. Being creative with family outings, camps and vacation can lead to a healthy respect for and understanding of God’s creation.
5. SET BOUNDARIES: Kids need concrete parameters. Even amidst objection and complaints, kids crave a concrete parameter from which to operate. Verbal instruction will suffice for most guidance, but for best results, consider communicating your expectations in writing.
Summer can be as challenging for parents as it is fun for kids, but applying a few practical tips can make it more enjoyable for everyone.
A few helpful websites:
Ÿ www.familysafemedia.com Ÿ www. tvboss.org
Ÿ www.focusonthefamily.com Ÿ www. tvguidelines.org
Ÿ www.safeeyes.com Ÿ www. pluggedinonline.com
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