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Ideas, strategies, insights, and general Student Ministry shop talk.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Child Rescue - my passion comes to fruition
Isaiah 1:17 gives us a clear mandate: Seek justice, encourage the oppressed, defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case for the widow. Isaiah is pleading with a nation and generation who was blind to the plight and suffering of their fellow human beings. Not that our cause is to be social antidote to the world’s hurts but much more. We, by our actions and response to human suffering, are to introduce Christ to the forgotten and invisible. Through meeting basic human needs, rescuing the oppressed and bringing freedom to the captive, the hopeless learn trust, the faithless discover belief, and the helpless gain assurance while the love of Christ is demonstrated. What we do in the name of Christ gives us a platform from which the lost may know, hear and see the love of Christ amidst an evil and dehumanizing enemy.
A huge passion of SME is to assist with intervention and relief projects that relieve the suffering of countless international children and teens.
I like the story of the starfish:
A man was walking on the beach after a storm and witnessed thousands of starfish washed up on shore. He sat down and pondered how helpless they were out of water and that most all would eventually die from sun exposure. He then observed another beach walker who had come upon the same scene. But this man was bending over, picking up starfish and throwing them back into the sea. The first man spoke up saying: Why are you doing that? You do realize that your efforts are incidental and meaningless among so many. What you are doing makes no difference in the big picture. The man bent over and picked up another starfish and as he turned to throw it into the sea, he said: it certainly makes a difference to this one!
There are so many children being exploited around the globe, how can you make a difference - one human being at a time. Your efforts in caring make take many forms, but multiplied in the hands of God will make all the difference in the world to the one God uses you to rescue. Perhaps God has chosen you to be some little girl or boys answer to prayer. Just because you can’t do everything, should never prevent you from dong something!
Just because my kids are safe and your kids are safe, does not mean the rest of the world's kids are safe. In fact, human trafficking, child sex trade, slave labor and child soldiers have been steadily increasing over the past decade.
Child Rescue seeks to provide direct support through personal involvement, financial assistance, and increased awareness to accomplish a threefold purpose.
†1. Direct Victim Relief: CR supplies direct and collaborative assistance to those striving for the immediate relief and rescue of child slaves and sex trade victims.†
2. Victim Care: CR helps sponsor transitional counseling and skills training for those who have been rescued from the hands of evil. CR provides support to rehab centers and shelters who are involved in the tender job of salvaging, reshaping and transforming the lives of victims so that they may experience the transforming power of Christ from the inside out and return to a productive new life in Christ.
3. Community Awareness: The simple truth is this; no Christian can hear, see or know what is happening every hour of every day and feel no compulsion to do something. Maybe you feel led to pray, others to give, still others to carry the torch of awareness and mobilization. Get your church, school or youth group involved by in some way, on some level and see what God will produce through your efforts.
Examples of Exploitative Activity
Sexual Abuse
† Slavery
† Human Trafficking (abduction, forced prostitution or labor)
Child/Teen soldiers
A huge passion of SME is to assist with intervention and relief projects that relieve the suffering of countless international children and teens.
I like the story of the starfish:
A man was walking on the beach after a storm and witnessed thousands of starfish washed up on shore. He sat down and pondered how helpless they were out of water and that most all would eventually die from sun exposure. He then observed another beach walker who had come upon the same scene. But this man was bending over, picking up starfish and throwing them back into the sea. The first man spoke up saying: Why are you doing that? You do realize that your efforts are incidental and meaningless among so many. What you are doing makes no difference in the big picture. The man bent over and picked up another starfish and as he turned to throw it into the sea, he said: it certainly makes a difference to this one!
There are so many children being exploited around the globe, how can you make a difference - one human being at a time. Your efforts in caring make take many forms, but multiplied in the hands of God will make all the difference in the world to the one God uses you to rescue. Perhaps God has chosen you to be some little girl or boys answer to prayer. Just because you can’t do everything, should never prevent you from dong something!
Just because my kids are safe and your kids are safe, does not mean the rest of the world's kids are safe. In fact, human trafficking, child sex trade, slave labor and child soldiers have been steadily increasing over the past decade.
Child Rescue seeks to provide direct support through personal involvement, financial assistance, and increased awareness to accomplish a threefold purpose.
†1. Direct Victim Relief: CR supplies direct and collaborative assistance to those striving for the immediate relief and rescue of child slaves and sex trade victims.†
2. Victim Care: CR helps sponsor transitional counseling and skills training for those who have been rescued from the hands of evil. CR provides support to rehab centers and shelters who are involved in the tender job of salvaging, reshaping and transforming the lives of victims so that they may experience the transforming power of Christ from the inside out and return to a productive new life in Christ.
3. Community Awareness: The simple truth is this; no Christian can hear, see or know what is happening every hour of every day and feel no compulsion to do something. Maybe you feel led to pray, others to give, still others to carry the torch of awareness and mobilization. Get your church, school or youth group involved by in some way, on some level and see what God will produce through your efforts.
Examples of Exploitative Activity
Sexual Abuse
† Slavery
† Human Trafficking (abduction, forced prostitution or labor)
Child/Teen soldiers
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Teenagers and Eating Disorders
At a recent Parent Conference, a single mom of a 9th grade girl pulled me aside to talk during the break. She wanted to know how she might identify the symptoms of teenage eating disorders. Not being a psychiatrist, Nutritional expert or medical doctor, I gave her a few quick insights and told her I would have to get back to her. (yes, there was the tired part of me that wanted to tell her to google or bing it for herself) But seeing the desperation and pain in her eyes, the Student Pastor side won out. Later that week and after a little research, I sent her the following notes and encouraged her to seek professional help from a trained counselor who specializes in treating teenagers addictive or destructive behavior.
Destructive eating habits can be related stress, tension, poor nutritional habits and cultural food fads. Unfortunately, the issue of eating disorders are relatively common problems for today's teenagers.
According to several studies, eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa and bulimia, are on the increase among teenage girls and young women. They study also shows that the problem tends to run in families. In the US, it is estimated that 10% of young women suffer from an eating disorder. While eating disorders also occur in boys, there are much fewer cases and not as difficult to treat.
The below notes are a good reminder for all of us. Sooner or later we will have to pray with a parent and youth who is in deep trouble from food . . . or the lack of it.
The two main disorders, anorexia nervosa and bulimia are characterized by a preoccupation with food and a distortion of body image. Sadly, one of the dangers les in the fact that most teenagers hide these serious and sometimes fatal disorders from their families and friends.
Symptoms and warning signs of anorexia nervosa and bulimia include the following:
• A teenager with anorexia nervosa is typically a perfectionist and a high achiever in school. At the same time, she suffers from low self-esteem, irrationally believing she is fat regardless of how thin she becomes. Desperately needing a feeling of mastery over her life, the teenager with anorexia nervosa experiences a sense of control only when she says "no" to the normal food demands of her body. In a relentless pursuit to be thin, the girl starves herself. This often reaches the point of serious damage to the body, and in a small number of cases may lead to death.
• The symptoms of bulimia are usually different from those of anorexia nervosa. The patient binges on huge quantities of high-caloric food and/or purges her body of dreaded calories by self-induced vomiting and often by using laxatives. These binges may alternate with severe diets, resulting in dramatic weight fluctuations. Teenagers may try to hide the signs of throwing up by running water while spending long periods of time in the bathroom. The purging of bulimia presents a serious threat to the patient's physical health, including dehydration, hormonal imbalance, the depletion of important minerals, and damage to vital organs.
With comprehensive treatment, most teenagers can be relieved of the symptoms or helped to control eating disorders. The child and adolescent psychiatrist is trained to evaluate, diagnose, and treat these psychiatric disorders. Treatment for eating disorders usually requires a team approach; including individual therapy, family therapy, working with a primary care physician, working with a nutritionist, and medication. Many adolescents also suffer from other problems; including depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. It is important to recognize and get appropriate treatment for these problems as well.
Research shows that early identification and treatment leads to more favorable outcomes. Parents who notice symptoms of anorexia or bulimia in their teenagers should ask their family physician or pediatrician for a referral to a child and adolescent psychiatrist.
AND lest we forget where true power lies . . . read Ezra 10:4 "Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it."
Destructive eating habits can be related stress, tension, poor nutritional habits and cultural food fads. Unfortunately, the issue of eating disorders are relatively common problems for today's teenagers.
According to several studies, eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa and bulimia, are on the increase among teenage girls and young women. They study also shows that the problem tends to run in families. In the US, it is estimated that 10% of young women suffer from an eating disorder. While eating disorders also occur in boys, there are much fewer cases and not as difficult to treat.
The below notes are a good reminder for all of us. Sooner or later we will have to pray with a parent and youth who is in deep trouble from food . . . or the lack of it.
The two main disorders, anorexia nervosa and bulimia are characterized by a preoccupation with food and a distortion of body image. Sadly, one of the dangers les in the fact that most teenagers hide these serious and sometimes fatal disorders from their families and friends.
Symptoms and warning signs of anorexia nervosa and bulimia include the following:
• A teenager with anorexia nervosa is typically a perfectionist and a high achiever in school. At the same time, she suffers from low self-esteem, irrationally believing she is fat regardless of how thin she becomes. Desperately needing a feeling of mastery over her life, the teenager with anorexia nervosa experiences a sense of control only when she says "no" to the normal food demands of her body. In a relentless pursuit to be thin, the girl starves herself. This often reaches the point of serious damage to the body, and in a small number of cases may lead to death.
• The symptoms of bulimia are usually different from those of anorexia nervosa. The patient binges on huge quantities of high-caloric food and/or purges her body of dreaded calories by self-induced vomiting and often by using laxatives. These binges may alternate with severe diets, resulting in dramatic weight fluctuations. Teenagers may try to hide the signs of throwing up by running water while spending long periods of time in the bathroom. The purging of bulimia presents a serious threat to the patient's physical health, including dehydration, hormonal imbalance, the depletion of important minerals, and damage to vital organs.
With comprehensive treatment, most teenagers can be relieved of the symptoms or helped to control eating disorders. The child and adolescent psychiatrist is trained to evaluate, diagnose, and treat these psychiatric disorders. Treatment for eating disorders usually requires a team approach; including individual therapy, family therapy, working with a primary care physician, working with a nutritionist, and medication. Many adolescents also suffer from other problems; including depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. It is important to recognize and get appropriate treatment for these problems as well.
Research shows that early identification and treatment leads to more favorable outcomes. Parents who notice symptoms of anorexia or bulimia in their teenagers should ask their family physician or pediatrician for a referral to a child and adolescent psychiatrist.
AND lest we forget where true power lies . . . read Ezra 10:4 "Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it."
Features of Three Stages of Adolescent Development
Table 1: Key Features of the Three Stages of Adolescent Development
Aspect of
Development Early Adolescence
Ages 10-13 Middle Adolescence
Ages 14-16 Late Adolescence
Ages 17-19
Physical • Significant physical/ sexual maturation
• Intense concern with body image • Continuing physical/ sexual changes
• Less concern with body image • Physical/ sexual changes complete
• Greater acceptance of physical appearance
Cognitive • Concrete thinking • Growth of capacity to think abstractly • Capacity for abstract thought in place
Emotional • Growing independence in decision-making • Development pf sense of identity
• Exploration of ability to attract partners begins • Sense of identity established
Social • Increasing influence of peers
• Feeling attracted to others begins • Enormous influence of peers/school environment
• Increase in sexual interest • Family influence more in balance with peer influence
• Serious intimate relationships begin to develop
• Transition to work, college, independent living
Behavioral • Experimenting with new ways of behaving begins • Risk-taking behavior • Capacity for realistic risk assessment
top
Developmental Tasks
Adolescents face the major task of creating stable identities and becoming complete and productive adults (Perkins, Adolescence: Developmental Tasks, 2001). They take on this task in small steps along the way as they adapt to the changes they experience. These steps are themselves significant challenges and are listed in Table 2, adapted from Perkins (2001), Stroufe (1988), and American Psychological Association (2002):
________________________________________
Table 2: Reaching Adolescent Developmental Goals
Developmental Goal Reaching the Goal: Facts and Tips
Achieve new level of closeness and trust with peers. Adolescents learn through experimentation to interact with others in more adult ways.
Gain independence from parents and develop new status within the family. Change is smoother if adolescents and their parents agree on some level of independence that increases over time. Example: Setting curfew times that increase as the adolescent matures and demonstrates responsible behavior.
Develop a sense of personal identity. New cognitive abilities give adolescents the chance to reflect on who they are and what makes them unique. Adults can help adolescents in this quest by:
• Engaging them with non-threatening questions, such as: Who do you admire? What do you like to do in your free time? What do you consider to be your strengths? What have you done in your life that you feel proud of?
• Casually showing rational decision-making strategies, such as discussing how someone you know defined a problem, generated options, anticipated outcomes, and made a decision.
• Discussing ethical and moral problems that are in the news.
Move toward autonomy in the larger world. Adolescents need to begin to explore what will be their place in the world. Adults can help them to gain insightful experience by encouraging them to:
• Take on more responsibility in schoolwork and school-related activities.
• Get involved in community activities.
• Hold part-time or summer jobs.
• Develop future goals.
• Examine career/educational options.
top
Four Major Questions Facing Adolescents
The growth of one's intellect from concrete to abstract thinking makes adolescence an intense time of self-discovery. In their quest to define themselves and their relationship to the world, adolescents begin to ask themselves four basic abstract questions (Perkins, "Adolescence: The Four Questions," 2001):
• Who am I? (pertaining to his or her sexuality and social roles)
• Am I normal? (Do I fit in with a certain crowd?)
• Am I competent? (Am I good at something that is valued by peers and parents?)
• Am I lovable and loving? (can someone besides Mom and Dad love me?)
Adults who work with adolescents need to recognize that these questions are quite central to the concerns of adolescents and should give them a chance to explore their own beliefs and find their own answers to these questions. Guidelines for assisting adolescents in their quest to answer each of these questions follow in Table 3 (Perkins, 2001).
top
________________________________________
Table 3: Four Major Questions Facing Adolescents — Guidelines for Adults
Question Guidelines for Adults
Who am I? • Give them the freedom to explore their world. Only then can adolescents begin to answer this question.
Am I normal? • Give them room to be like their peers. Fitting in with peers helps adolescents feel "normal."
• Monitor youth activities by using the four "W" questions:
o Where are you going?
o With whom are you going?
o What are you doing?
o When will you be home?
Am I competent? • Assist adolescents with their problems and challenges but do not solve them.
• Ask questions instead of telling, such "What are some things you could do?"
• Guide but do not direct.
Am I lovable and loving? Adolescents develop best when they have supportive families and community life that include:
• Warmth and mutual respect.
• Serious and lasting interest of parents and other adults.
• Adult attention to the changes they are experiencing.
• Clear standards regarding discipline and close supervision.
• Communication of high expectations for achievement and ethical behavior.
• Democratic ways of dealing with conflict.
Aspect of
Development Early Adolescence
Ages 10-13 Middle Adolescence
Ages 14-16 Late Adolescence
Ages 17-19
Physical • Significant physical/ sexual maturation
• Intense concern with body image • Continuing physical/ sexual changes
• Less concern with body image • Physical/ sexual changes complete
• Greater acceptance of physical appearance
Cognitive • Concrete thinking • Growth of capacity to think abstractly • Capacity for abstract thought in place
Emotional • Growing independence in decision-making • Development pf sense of identity
• Exploration of ability to attract partners begins • Sense of identity established
Social • Increasing influence of peers
• Feeling attracted to others begins • Enormous influence of peers/school environment
• Increase in sexual interest • Family influence more in balance with peer influence
• Serious intimate relationships begin to develop
• Transition to work, college, independent living
Behavioral • Experimenting with new ways of behaving begins • Risk-taking behavior • Capacity for realistic risk assessment
top
Developmental Tasks
Adolescents face the major task of creating stable identities and becoming complete and productive adults (Perkins, Adolescence: Developmental Tasks, 2001). They take on this task in small steps along the way as they adapt to the changes they experience. These steps are themselves significant challenges and are listed in Table 2, adapted from Perkins (2001), Stroufe (1988), and American Psychological Association (2002):
________________________________________
Table 2: Reaching Adolescent Developmental Goals
Developmental Goal Reaching the Goal: Facts and Tips
Achieve new level of closeness and trust with peers. Adolescents learn through experimentation to interact with others in more adult ways.
Gain independence from parents and develop new status within the family. Change is smoother if adolescents and their parents agree on some level of independence that increases over time. Example: Setting curfew times that increase as the adolescent matures and demonstrates responsible behavior.
Develop a sense of personal identity. New cognitive abilities give adolescents the chance to reflect on who they are and what makes them unique. Adults can help adolescents in this quest by:
• Engaging them with non-threatening questions, such as: Who do you admire? What do you like to do in your free time? What do you consider to be your strengths? What have you done in your life that you feel proud of?
• Casually showing rational decision-making strategies, such as discussing how someone you know defined a problem, generated options, anticipated outcomes, and made a decision.
• Discussing ethical and moral problems that are in the news.
Move toward autonomy in the larger world. Adolescents need to begin to explore what will be their place in the world. Adults can help them to gain insightful experience by encouraging them to:
• Take on more responsibility in schoolwork and school-related activities.
• Get involved in community activities.
• Hold part-time or summer jobs.
• Develop future goals.
• Examine career/educational options.
top
Four Major Questions Facing Adolescents
The growth of one's intellect from concrete to abstract thinking makes adolescence an intense time of self-discovery. In their quest to define themselves and their relationship to the world, adolescents begin to ask themselves four basic abstract questions (Perkins, "Adolescence: The Four Questions," 2001):
• Who am I? (pertaining to his or her sexuality and social roles)
• Am I normal? (Do I fit in with a certain crowd?)
• Am I competent? (Am I good at something that is valued by peers and parents?)
• Am I lovable and loving? (can someone besides Mom and Dad love me?)
Adults who work with adolescents need to recognize that these questions are quite central to the concerns of adolescents and should give them a chance to explore their own beliefs and find their own answers to these questions. Guidelines for assisting adolescents in their quest to answer each of these questions follow in Table 3 (Perkins, 2001).
top
________________________________________
Table 3: Four Major Questions Facing Adolescents — Guidelines for Adults
Question Guidelines for Adults
Who am I? • Give them the freedom to explore their world. Only then can adolescents begin to answer this question.
Am I normal? • Give them room to be like their peers. Fitting in with peers helps adolescents feel "normal."
• Monitor youth activities by using the four "W" questions:
o Where are you going?
o With whom are you going?
o What are you doing?
o When will you be home?
Am I competent? • Assist adolescents with their problems and challenges but do not solve them.
• Ask questions instead of telling, such "What are some things you could do?"
• Guide but do not direct.
Am I lovable and loving? Adolescents develop best when they have supportive families and community life that include:
• Warmth and mutual respect.
• Serious and lasting interest of parents and other adults.
• Adult attention to the changes they are experiencing.
• Clear standards regarding discipline and close supervision.
• Communication of high expectations for achievement and ethical behavior.
• Democratic ways of dealing with conflict.
Communication Skills
Active Listening
Most parents are not ignorant of the concept and technique known as active listening. The problem arises when you overuse it or dismiss it in frustration. As an important skill for every parent and should be mastered. When you listen actively, you are sending your child the message that they are important enough to have your undivided attention. Many problems can be solved and even prevented when parents and leaders take the time to use active listening. This allows you to play the role of guide in helping teens be able to guide children into solving his/her problem with practical solutions and prayer.
Try these for simple steps to strengthen this skill.
• Stop what you are doing.
• Look at your child.
• Give your full attention.
• Listen to what is said.
• Comment on what you think you heard. Use reframing or retelling techniques.
Remember, don’t overdo it. Don’t over animate your expression and don’t sound as if you are doing this to step down to a less mature level.
Most parents are not ignorant of the concept and technique known as active listening. The problem arises when you overuse it or dismiss it in frustration. As an important skill for every parent and should be mastered. When you listen actively, you are sending your child the message that they are important enough to have your undivided attention. Many problems can be solved and even prevented when parents and leaders take the time to use active listening. This allows you to play the role of guide in helping teens be able to guide children into solving his/her problem with practical solutions and prayer.
Try these for simple steps to strengthen this skill.
• Stop what you are doing.
• Look at your child.
• Give your full attention.
• Listen to what is said.
• Comment on what you think you heard. Use reframing or retelling techniques.
Remember, don’t overdo it. Don’t over animate your expression and don’t sound as if you are doing this to step down to a less mature level.
Adolescence: The Last Step Before Becoming An Adult
Adolescence: The Last Step Before Becoming An Adult
All children will journey through several developmental stages on their road to adulthood. Sometimes these stages look more like steps that must be completed before continuing on. For most (there are always rare exceptions) there are four or five such stages of growth where kids learn and model certain things. 1. Infancy (birth to age two), 2. Early childhood (ages 3 to 8 years), 3. Later childhood (ages 9 to 12) and 4. Adolescence (ages 13 to 18). Sometimes there is more of a distinct stage between later childhood and adolescence called pre-adolescence (age 13-14). But for most the basic four are propionate and distinct. In most countries and especially in the US, anyone 18 and over are considered adults in society. While some try to prolong their adolescence, others try to achieve it too quickly. On average, we all grew up and are growing up in this same pattern.
Parents typically will learn how to take care of their baby and young children from reading, observing and examples in their life. At the hospital or with the doctor, you might pick up information about what to feed them or how long they should sleep. Later, school faculty may remind you about the importance of talking and reading to your young children. You can also see how your friends or relatives treat their kids. You cannot say the same thing about learning to talk with teenagers (adolescents). It seems like everyone, even teachers and neighbors have difficulty relating to and understanding today’s students. Some give up and give in by simply doing and saying the same things your parents did at that age. Caution: those were different times!
You can begin to understand and relate to this age group much more effectively if you remind yourself where this group of people are in the overall growth sequence. Remember that fall right next to the adult stage, the last step before being an adult. Simple, but often we adults forget that even though they might look like, dress like and talk like an adult (at least when they want to) that they are NOT yet adults.
During this pre-adult stage, teens are trying to determine their future. Will I attend college or where will I attend college. What will I do for work? Will I have a family? Will I get married? Will I get rich or will I be poor? What tragedies will I face? The point is: that one of the first major steps towards healthy independence is that teens must start making their own decisions. There must be a gradual separation and restraint from rescueing and deciding for them when something big is at stake. Of course if the decsions and lessons could be learned with the same influence without consequences, we parents would opt for that. We don’t want to see our kids in pain but it is necessary for healthy development. To do this they must put a little distance between themselves and their parents. This does not mean that you can't continue to ``look after them'' or help them when needed. You should, as much as possible, let them learn from the results of their actions. Example: they no longer want to go to youth group because “everyone is in middle school” or “I don’t get anything out of it” or “none of my friends go”. OK, listen up parents! This is not an example of giving them space. They may miss occasionally due to conflicts with youth group but the vast majority of the time they need to be connected to their youth group every week! Not monthly, weekly. One day you might need that support group called Youth Ministry – and then it is too late to slap it all together and it be adequate. Keep that as a non-option in the game of distance and freedom. Let their decision space be in the area of savings, spending, flexible times for curfew with good track record, choice of family outings, etc.
Remember, adolescents also need to be around other adults, both male and female. Don’t negate the important influence of grandparents, relatives, neighbors, coaches or teachers. Of course, they should be positive role models. Your teenagers can learn from them about things like how to fix the car, getting along with others, responsibility, family systems or ideas for future jobs. Finally, don't worry if they want to spend time alone. Adolescents can kill lots of minutes day dreaming about their future life. However, make sure that the same minutes of freedom are not outnumbering their constructive minutes. A good statement you can use to declare to your teenager as a way of thinking, working, prioritizing and living is: What do I NEED to do before I do what I WANT to do.
Life is good, Live well!
All children will journey through several developmental stages on their road to adulthood. Sometimes these stages look more like steps that must be completed before continuing on. For most (there are always rare exceptions) there are four or five such stages of growth where kids learn and model certain things. 1. Infancy (birth to age two), 2. Early childhood (ages 3 to 8 years), 3. Later childhood (ages 9 to 12) and 4. Adolescence (ages 13 to 18). Sometimes there is more of a distinct stage between later childhood and adolescence called pre-adolescence (age 13-14). But for most the basic four are propionate and distinct. In most countries and especially in the US, anyone 18 and over are considered adults in society. While some try to prolong their adolescence, others try to achieve it too quickly. On average, we all grew up and are growing up in this same pattern.
Parents typically will learn how to take care of their baby and young children from reading, observing and examples in their life. At the hospital or with the doctor, you might pick up information about what to feed them or how long they should sleep. Later, school faculty may remind you about the importance of talking and reading to your young children. You can also see how your friends or relatives treat their kids. You cannot say the same thing about learning to talk with teenagers (adolescents). It seems like everyone, even teachers and neighbors have difficulty relating to and understanding today’s students. Some give up and give in by simply doing and saying the same things your parents did at that age. Caution: those were different times!
You can begin to understand and relate to this age group much more effectively if you remind yourself where this group of people are in the overall growth sequence. Remember that fall right next to the adult stage, the last step before being an adult. Simple, but often we adults forget that even though they might look like, dress like and talk like an adult (at least when they want to) that they are NOT yet adults.
During this pre-adult stage, teens are trying to determine their future. Will I attend college or where will I attend college. What will I do for work? Will I have a family? Will I get married? Will I get rich or will I be poor? What tragedies will I face? The point is: that one of the first major steps towards healthy independence is that teens must start making their own decisions. There must be a gradual separation and restraint from rescueing and deciding for them when something big is at stake. Of course if the decsions and lessons could be learned with the same influence without consequences, we parents would opt for that. We don’t want to see our kids in pain but it is necessary for healthy development. To do this they must put a little distance between themselves and their parents. This does not mean that you can't continue to ``look after them'' or help them when needed. You should, as much as possible, let them learn from the results of their actions. Example: they no longer want to go to youth group because “everyone is in middle school” or “I don’t get anything out of it” or “none of my friends go”. OK, listen up parents! This is not an example of giving them space. They may miss occasionally due to conflicts with youth group but the vast majority of the time they need to be connected to their youth group every week! Not monthly, weekly. One day you might need that support group called Youth Ministry – and then it is too late to slap it all together and it be adequate. Keep that as a non-option in the game of distance and freedom. Let their decision space be in the area of savings, spending, flexible times for curfew with good track record, choice of family outings, etc.
Remember, adolescents also need to be around other adults, both male and female. Don’t negate the important influence of grandparents, relatives, neighbors, coaches or teachers. Of course, they should be positive role models. Your teenagers can learn from them about things like how to fix the car, getting along with others, responsibility, family systems or ideas for future jobs. Finally, don't worry if they want to spend time alone. Adolescents can kill lots of minutes day dreaming about their future life. However, make sure that the same minutes of freedom are not outnumbering their constructive minutes. A good statement you can use to declare to your teenager as a way of thinking, working, prioritizing and living is: What do I NEED to do before I do what I WANT to do.
Life is good, Live well!
Managing Summertime Access to Technology
MEDIA MATTERS
Managing your kid’s summertime access to technology.
The availability of technology in today’s culture forces us to choose who is allowed access to our home and our children and with what parameters that access is granted. During the summer when school is out and kids have more free time, the decisions regarding media and managing it are even more crucial.
PARENTING TIPS
1. BE VIGILANT: Be alert and pro-active when considering the technology diet of your children. Ie: Know the ratings, research the content and consider the message.
2. GET SMART: Face it, our culture is dangerous. The “I am not tech savvy” mentality or “I don’t have time to learn that” attitude is no longer affordable. Learn how to navigate Parental Controls. If you are technologically challenged, recruit a techy friend as a tutor or visit the Geek Squad.
3. PROMOTE DIALOGUE: Turn your monitoring minutes into teachable moments by engaging your children about questionable messages, language or images. Focus on asking open ended questions that lead to scriptural principals on which they can stand.
4. OFFER A BALANCED DIET: Two hours with the X-Box can be countered by two chapters in a summer reading assignment. A TV show or movie may be complimented by a family game or group activity. Be careful that your child does not become addicted to the indoors. Being creative with family outings, camps and vacation can lead to a healthy respect for and understanding of God’s creation.
5. SET BOUNDARIES: Kids need concrete parameters. Even amidst objection and complaints, kids crave a concrete parameter from which to operate. Verbal instruction will suffice for most guidance, but for best results, consider communicating your expectations in writing.
Summer can be as challenging for parents as it is fun for kids, but applying a few practical tips can make it more enjoyable for everyone.
A few helpful websites:
Ÿ www.familysafemedia.com Ÿ www. tvboss.org
Ÿ www.focusonthefamily.com Ÿ www. tvguidelines.org
Ÿ www.safeeyes.com Ÿ www. pluggedinonline.com
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Leadership Style
Dictator, Winger or Equipper?
In ministry, you are of course called upon to lead, manage, mentor and guide. It is interesting to observe the variety of leadership styles that exist among ministers.
Most student leaders will readily claim they are Equippers, but my observation suggest that it is a mixed bag of nuts. Often I see a hybrid or adaptation that is effective in some form but too often a form of leadership emerges that is something less biblical, effective or fruitful.
The Dictator is recognized for the following management characteristics.
1. Rule #1 - I lead, you follow, I am the boss, you serve Christ by serving me.
2. Prefers managing paid staff such as ministry assistants of interns rather than volunteers.
3. Personal loyalty is highly regarded and highly rewarded
The WINGER is characterized by:
1. The thrill of spontinaity
2. The excitement of the unknown or unplanned
3. The "lets play it by ear" phylosophy.
The EQUIPPER is characterized by
1. The joy that comes from seeing voluntees become ministry leaders.
2. The excitement of not being in charge of details and minsitry tasks
3. Ministry initiatives dedicated to developing disciple/ministers rather than managing events.
4. Prioritizing time according to those ministry tasks that require a ministr to accomplish.
May we all strive to be equippers of saints rather than directors of positions.
In ministry, you are of course called upon to lead, manage, mentor and guide. It is interesting to observe the variety of leadership styles that exist among ministers.
Most student leaders will readily claim they are Equippers, but my observation suggest that it is a mixed bag of nuts. Often I see a hybrid or adaptation that is effective in some form but too often a form of leadership emerges that is something less biblical, effective or fruitful.
The Dictator is recognized for the following management characteristics.
1. Rule #1 - I lead, you follow, I am the boss, you serve Christ by serving me.
2. Prefers managing paid staff such as ministry assistants of interns rather than volunteers.
3. Personal loyalty is highly regarded and highly rewarded
The WINGER is characterized by:
1. The thrill of spontinaity
2. The excitement of the unknown or unplanned
3. The "lets play it by ear" phylosophy.
The EQUIPPER is characterized by
1. The joy that comes from seeing voluntees become ministry leaders.
2. The excitement of not being in charge of details and minsitry tasks
3. Ministry initiatives dedicated to developing disciple/ministers rather than managing events.
4. Prioritizing time according to those ministry tasks that require a ministr to accomplish.
May we all strive to be equippers of saints rather than directors of positions.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
"The Holiness of God" by RC Sproul
The following is a reprint of notes sent to me from my youngest son Jarred
I like it . . . a lot
(Dad check out these excerpts from the book I'm reading, "The Holiness of God", by RC Sproul- I HIGHLY recommend the book!)
__________________________________________________________________
Hans Kung, the controversial Roman Catholic theologian, writing about the seemingly harsh judgments of sin God makes in the Old Testament, says that the most mysterious aspect of the mystery of sin is not that the sinner deserves to die, but rather that the sinner in the average situation continues to exist.
Kung asks the right question. The issue is not why does God punish sin, but why does He permit the ongoing rebellion of man? What prince, what king, what ruler would manifest so much patience with a continually rebellious populace?
The key to Kung's observation is that he speaks of sinners continuing to live in the average situation. That is, it is customary or usual for God to be gracious. He is indeed long-suffering, patient and slow to anger. In fact He is so slow to anger that when His anger does erupt we are shocked and offended by it. We forget rather quickly that God's patience is designed to lead us to repentance, to give us time to be redeemed. The SUPREME FOLLY IS THAT WE THINK WE WILL GET AWAY WITH OUR REVOLT.
We must face the difficult question of the the quest for the "Promised Land". There God explicitly commanded the slaughter of men, women, and children. The Promised Land was given to Israel by a bloody sword, a sword dripping with the blood of infants and women. God directly issued the order for the bloodbath:
"1 When the LORD your God brings you into the land you are entering to possess and drives out before you many nations—the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites, seven nations larger and stronger than you- 2 and when the LORD your God has delivered them over to you and you have defeated them, then you must destroy them totally. [a] Make no treaty with them, and show them no mercy." (Deuteronomy 7:1-2)
WHY DID GOD issue such a command? How could He have ordered the slaughter of women and children? People are always attempting to soften this event! Curriculum for students try to explain that in light of the New Testament revelation of God's love we know that God did not ever issue such a belligerent command... The Old Testament is merely the record of a primitive warlike group of Hebrews who tried to justify ruthless policies by attrubuting them to a divine sanction.
These kind of interpretations overlook some vital aspects of the matter. First, there is a historical precedent that is far more severe than the conquest of Canaan- THE FLOOD. In the Flood God destroyed the entire population of the world except for Noah and his family. The Flood was a "conquest of Canaan" on a grand scale. More important is the failure to understand the nature of sin. The assumption of most people (including myself before God revealed these 'nuggets' to me), is that God wiped out INNOCENT people in Canaan. In fact there were NO INNOCENT women or children in Canaan. The conquest of Canaan was an explicit expression of God's RIGHTEOUS JUDGMENT on a wicked nation. He made that point clear to Israel. He also made it clear to ISRAEL that she was also not innocent. It was not as if God destroued a wicked people for the sake of a righteous people. To the Canaanites God poured out justice. To the Jews God poured out mercy.
"4 After the LORD your God has driven them out before you, do not say to yourself, "The LORD has brought me here to take possession of this land because of my righteousness." No, it is on account of the wickedness of these nations that the LORD is going to drive them out before you. 5 It is not because of your righteousness or your integrity that you are going in to take possession of their land; but on account of the wickedness of these nations, the LORD your God will drive them out before you, to accomplish what he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. 6 Understand, then, that it is not because of your righteousness that the LORD your God is giving you this good land to possess, for you are a stiff-necked people." (Deuteronomy 9:4-6)
God did not choose Israel because Israel was already holy. He chose them to make them holy. God ordained a scorched-earth policy to purge the land for future salvation. THIS is "Holy Justice".
(These are excerpts from the book I'm reading, "The Holiness of God", by RC Sproul- I HIGHLY recommend this book!)
I like it . . . a lot
(Dad check out these excerpts from the book I'm reading, "The Holiness of God", by RC Sproul- I HIGHLY recommend the book!)
__________________________________________________________________
Hans Kung, the controversial Roman Catholic theologian, writing about the seemingly harsh judgments of sin God makes in the Old Testament, says that the most mysterious aspect of the mystery of sin is not that the sinner deserves to die, but rather that the sinner in the average situation continues to exist.
Kung asks the right question. The issue is not why does God punish sin, but why does He permit the ongoing rebellion of man? What prince, what king, what ruler would manifest so much patience with a continually rebellious populace?
The key to Kung's observation is that he speaks of sinners continuing to live in the average situation. That is, it is customary or usual for God to be gracious. He is indeed long-suffering, patient and slow to anger. In fact He is so slow to anger that when His anger does erupt we are shocked and offended by it. We forget rather quickly that God's patience is designed to lead us to repentance, to give us time to be redeemed. The SUPREME FOLLY IS THAT WE THINK WE WILL GET AWAY WITH OUR REVOLT.
We must face the difficult question of the the quest for the "Promised Land". There God explicitly commanded the slaughter of men, women, and children. The Promised Land was given to Israel by a bloody sword, a sword dripping with the blood of infants and women. God directly issued the order for the bloodbath:
"1 When the LORD your God brings you into the land you are entering to possess and drives out before you many nations—the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites, seven nations larger and stronger than you- 2 and when the LORD your God has delivered them over to you and you have defeated them, then you must destroy them totally. [a] Make no treaty with them, and show them no mercy." (Deuteronomy 7:1-2)
WHY DID GOD issue such a command? How could He have ordered the slaughter of women and children? People are always attempting to soften this event! Curriculum for students try to explain that in light of the New Testament revelation of God's love we know that God did not ever issue such a belligerent command... The Old Testament is merely the record of a primitive warlike group of Hebrews who tried to justify ruthless policies by attrubuting them to a divine sanction.
These kind of interpretations overlook some vital aspects of the matter. First, there is a historical precedent that is far more severe than the conquest of Canaan- THE FLOOD. In the Flood God destroyed the entire population of the world except for Noah and his family. The Flood was a "conquest of Canaan" on a grand scale. More important is the failure to understand the nature of sin. The assumption of most people (including myself before God revealed these 'nuggets' to me), is that God wiped out INNOCENT people in Canaan. In fact there were NO INNOCENT women or children in Canaan. The conquest of Canaan was an explicit expression of God's RIGHTEOUS JUDGMENT on a wicked nation. He made that point clear to Israel. He also made it clear to ISRAEL that she was also not innocent. It was not as if God destroued a wicked people for the sake of a righteous people. To the Canaanites God poured out justice. To the Jews God poured out mercy.
"4 After the LORD your God has driven them out before you, do not say to yourself, "The LORD has brought me here to take possession of this land because of my righteousness." No, it is on account of the wickedness of these nations that the LORD is going to drive them out before you. 5 It is not because of your righteousness or your integrity that you are going in to take possession of their land; but on account of the wickedness of these nations, the LORD your God will drive them out before you, to accomplish what he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. 6 Understand, then, that it is not because of your righteousness that the LORD your God is giving you this good land to possess, for you are a stiff-necked people." (Deuteronomy 9:4-6)
God did not choose Israel because Israel was already holy. He chose them to make them holy. God ordained a scorched-earth policy to purge the land for future salvation. THIS is "Holy Justice".
(These are excerpts from the book I'm reading, "The Holiness of God", by RC Sproul- I HIGHLY recommend this book!)
Friday, April 3, 2009
Top Three Complaints I hear about Student Leaders
A few years ago I began to take the opportunity to survey pastor, staff, volunteers, interns and others connected to Student Ministry. The dialogue became an eye opener for me. Not really a shock but the consistency of feelings and target of much frustration began to show with clarity.
Below I have highlighted the basic form of my findings from the the survey question: What do you find is the most challenging aspect of your relationship to your student minister.
Ranked in order by greatest frustration/challenge response.
1. From the Pastor: he/she doesn't communicate
2. From Parents of Youth: he/she doesn't communicate
3. Other Staff: he/she operates as a lone ranger
4. Acquaintances: he/she is too busy for anything else
Below I have highlighted the basic form of my findings from the the survey question: What do you find is the most challenging aspect of your relationship to your student minister.
Ranked in order by greatest frustration/challenge response.
1. From the Pastor: he/she doesn't communicate
2. From Parents of Youth: he/she doesn't communicate
3. Other Staff: he/she operates as a lone ranger
4. Acquaintances: he/she is too busy for anything else
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
FACEBOOK NATION
OK, so if you are not a FACEBOOK kind of person, you are going to feel a bit antiquated in the world of adolescents. Since I saw this coming many years back (ok, so Walt Mueller told me about it), I joined Facebook just to see what others were doing. It felt like I was graduating from MySpace with the tassle turned to a whole new world openning up.
Confession, The fastest way to reach me is still on my mobile phone (24/7 except for a 1hr. work-out & 2 min. shower), next is by texting me, next an email and finally Facebook. I would catogorize myself as a cultural user - ie: dont really need it, like it but could do without it. Usefull, yes, worth the upkeep - not so much. But hey, if you want to be culturally relevant and teach others who work with students to at least give the apperarenc of relevancy, you gotta be on Facebook - at least until twitter becomes a household name. So, for now we are a Facebook nation with a Twitter curiosity. I would not mind having one less thing to learn in our every changing culture of technology
We are ministering to: The Most Connected, Yet most alone Generation in history. How is that the case when they seem to be connected to everything and everyone? Because students today are connected electronically rather than being connected relationally.
A bit of Facebook trivia to make you feel relevant!
Facebook, formerly The Facebook, is a free-access social networking website that is operated and privately owned by Facebook, Inc. The website's name refers to the paper facebooks depicting members of a campus community that some Universities and prep schools give to incoming students, faculty, and staff as a way to get to know other people on campus.
Mark Zucherberg founded Facebook while he was a student at Harvard University. Website membership was initially limited to Harvard students, but was expanded to other colleges and Stanford Univeristy. It later expanded further to include any university student, then high school students, and, finally, to anyone aged 13 and over. The website currently has more than 175 million active users worldwide.
It is estimated that 13 percent of Facebook customers access the site using their phones.
Facebook already has applications on devices such as Apple's iPhone and the BlackBerry, which let users post updates and send messages to their friends. The company is working with phone makers to tie Facebook more closely to mobile devices, allowing users to merge their phone contacts with their Facebook friends.
Who knows one day, we may not even have Deacon's Meetings, we might just Facebook our thoughts on the Wall!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Barna.org Challenges us with Stats
What expectations do teens have about attending church?
45% Worship or make a connection with God.
42% Better understand what I believe
34% Spend time with friends
34% Get encouraged or inspired
30% Volunteer to help others.
65% Moral and ethical standards
62% Relationships
55% Faith traditions
50% Personal evangelism
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Prayer . . . Essential
"A man may study because his brain is hungry for knowledge, even Bible knowledge. But he prays because his soul is hungry for God." - Leonard Ravenhill
My oldest son is part of a prayer group of men. I thought I would share with you an adapted version of his encouragement to them, to me and now to you.
John Piper reminds us about a pressing and essential ingredient to life in his book: Let the Nations Be Glad.
"Until you know that life is war, you cannot know what prayer is for. What have millions of Christians done? We have stopped believing that we are in a war. No urgency, no watching, no vigilance. No strategic planning. Just easy peace and prosperity. And what did we do with our war-time walkie-talkie (prayer line to God)? We tried to rig it up as an intercom in our houses and cabins and boats and cars - not to call in firepower for conflict with a mortal enemy but to ask for more comforts in the den."
As we go through out our day, I encourage you apply the urgency and persistence of prayer that Piper stresses. I pray that you will continue in and out of a perpetual state of prayer - whether at work, the gym, driving, or in the comfort of our home. But let me remind you as I remind myself - let's try to commit at least 10 minutes of prayer time alone to God (minimal). I'm talking about alone in our room or home with no one else around just you and the Lord. Consider praying out loud even (it keeps me from being side tracked). We must realize how desperately in need of Him we are and we can't afford to go without prayer. We simply cant afford and don't have time to leave out prayer!
In Ephesians 6:17-18 Paul makes the connection between the life of war and the work of prayer. "Take the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints." Notice how it says in 17 - "take the sword of the spirit.... praying"! So how does verse 17 say we are to wield the Word? - By prayer!
Just pointing out the obvious connection between war-time and the work of prayer. Have a great day on the battlefield boys! My prayer time will be at 10:00am sharp. How bout you?!
A prayer from A.W. Tozer in "The pursuit of God":
"Lord teach me to listen. The times are noisy and my ears are weary with the thousand raucous sounds which continuously assault them. Give me the spirit of the boy Samuel when he said to Thee, "Speak, for thy servant heareth." Let me hear the speaking in my heart. Let me get used to the sound of Thy voice, that its tones may be familiar when the sounds of the earth die away and the only sound will be music of Thy speaking voice. Amen!"
Fingertip Porn
Recently the expert culture watcher, Walt Mueller was conducting a Q&A session with parents. One of the parents from the audience asked Walt what he felt was the single most impacting cultural change that those who live with and serve youth should be most concerned about. His answer is no surprise but a sober reminder to us all. He said: "As a husband, father of two girls and two boys, and a youth culture-watcher, I would have to say that one of the cultural changes that concerns me the most is the growing volume, pervasiveness and accessibility of online pornography. It's shaping how an entire generation is thinking about themselves, about others and about the wonderful God-given gift of their sexuality. And to be honest, where I think it's leading our kids is very, very frightening."
I know that I do not have to remind you that our culture is indeed shaping those we love and serve more and more towards a self absorbed, pleasure seeking, self excusing, egocentric group of whinners. I know you know and I know that you know I know you know and I know that you know that I know you know I know.
But more and more we see students AND parents who want something for nothing and then complain when it requires some effort on their part. We don't want to EARN it, we would rather just HAVE it.
We blame the system, the govt., the "man" (whoever the "man" is) and then wonder why our students seem to abort responsibility and perseverance.
I offer TWO insights for practicum:
1. Teach students to take pride in and personal responsibility for all they do, see, hear and participate in.
2. Teach students that the truth of Christ and His teachings are absolute, irreversable, binding and full of grace.
I know that I do not have to remind you that our culture is indeed shaping those we love and serve more and more towards a self absorbed, pleasure seeking, self excusing, egocentric group of whinners. I know you know and I know that you know I know you know and I know that you know that I know you know I know.
But more and more we see students AND parents who want something for nothing and then complain when it requires some effort on their part. We don't want to EARN it, we would rather just HAVE it.
We blame the system, the govt., the "man" (whoever the "man" is) and then wonder why our students seem to abort responsibility and perseverance.
I offer TWO insights for practicum:
1. Teach students to take pride in and personal responsibility for all they do, see, hear and participate in.
2. Teach students that the truth of Christ and His teachings are absolute, irreversable, binding and full of grace.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Small Effort, Big Difference
At some point all of us have been annoyed by a persistent little pest.
I am not talking about the overprotective, high maintenance parent that likes to bend your ear before and after every ministry event. I am talking about Genus Anopheles, the most common mosquito found in
The truth is, every youth leader feels small and insignificant at some point. When your moment comes or returns, remember that even a small effort can make a big difference.
So, write that encouraging note, send that personal email, prepare that lesson, stop by the game on your way home, show up at the pep rally and keep on praying . . . because in God's economy small is relative. Small persistent investments in His hands can produce huge dividends.
May God supply you with the confidence found in II Corinthians 9:10 "Now He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness; "
Thursday, March 5, 2009
The Superman Syndrone
No, I am not talking about your Intern staff or the effect your last successful ministry event had on your psyche. I am referring to the invisible shield that surrounds the adolescent with regards to his/her perceived consequences for actions.
Like a private tattoo engraved just below the surface, there is a marking on the chest of every adolescent, a symbol and reflection of developmental stage and attitude. Although it arrives at different times, rest assured that between ages 14-17 nearly 100% have been imprinted.
Just beneath his shirt/her blouse there is a giant "S" tattooed. Superman and Wonderwoman are alive and well. In fact, it is the primary reason why teens don't "get" it when they are given advice, guidance or warnings. They consequences are for someone else, anyone else, and someone other than them, but not them. He/she is the exception, the ONE to whom the law of gravity and the law of action and reaction (
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. In other words, in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object. The direction of the force on the first object is opposite to the direction of the force on the second object. Forces always come in pairs - equal and opposite action-reaction force pairs.
Students tend to develop this natural sense of "that won’t happen to me" mentality when it comes to a variety of risky behaviors (sex, stealing, lying, speeding, reputation, etc.)
What can be done about this Superman Syndrome? The bad news is that it can not be prevented entirely. It can not be removed entirely and it should never be discounted. The good news is that it can be channeled, shaped and reduced to an appropriate level for healthy processing and adjusting during the developmental stages toward adulthood.
Which, by the way are:
1. Infancy (birth -age 2)
2. Early Childhood (3 - 8 yrs)
3. Later childhood (9 -12)
4. Adolescence (13 - 18).
5. Adulthood - 18 and over
Three tips to ministering to the Superman and Wonderwomen of your ministry.
1. Remember they are in process and not camping out. They are on a journey and the youth group is not the destination.
2. DOING - shapes future behavior more than hearing & seeing - hands down, always, bank it, shoot it, count it.
3. You can’t shape them all (not even half, not even a third) you must train volunteers to take up the same mantle relational ministry as you.
Can't stop it, Can't move it
Ever heard this question? What happens when an unstoppable force or object collides with an immovable object?
The standard answer and the one I was always told is that the end result of this scenario would be Total Destruction. But recently I discovered that this is not the case. A physics professor explained it this way: The nature of the immovable object is that it can't be moved, and the nature of the unstoppable object is that it can't be stopped. So, if by chance the unstoppable and the unmovable should meet, their collision would form a new object possessing the nature of both entities.
The nature of the new entity will be both immovable and unstoppable and the two objects would no longer exist, but rather is molecularlly transformed into the newly created entity. This cuased me to consider this: When God's unconditional, absolute love collides with His unmovable law of sin and death, the result is the destruction of the old self and out of it - a New Creation, a new entity is born. '
So let the collision begin . . .
The standard answer and the one I was always told is that the end result of this scenario would be Total Destruction. But recently I discovered that this is not the case. A physics professor explained it this way: The nature of the immovable object is that it can't be moved, and the nature of the unstoppable object is that it can't be stopped. So, if by chance the unstoppable and the unmovable should meet, their collision would form a new object possessing the nature of both entities.
The nature of the new entity will be both immovable and unstoppable and the two objects would no longer exist, but rather is molecularlly transformed into the newly created entity. This cuased me to consider this: When God's unconditional, absolute love collides with His unmovable law of sin and death, the result is the destruction of the old self and out of it - a New Creation, a new entity is born. '
So let the collision begin . . .
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Summer Camp vs. Mission Trip - choose wisely
In meeting with a small group of student leaders recently, one comment in particular caught my attention. One minister declared; "well, we don't DO summer camp any more, we do mission trip. Our kids would rather do missions than camp and I think that reflects mature ministry."
For a little while I managed to keep my mouth shut and not respond (but those 15 seconds passed fast). I was hoping he would clarify his position a bit before my mouth opened. Hurry, clarify that with something intelligent. I prayed for strength to hold my tongue, I applied my hand to my mouth in hopes that it would remind my lips to stay neutral. To no avail, as soon as an appropriate pause entered our presence, I shared my thoughts on "mature" ministry. Stepping up to my summer camp soapbox, I began; Friends and neighbors, young and old, stupid and brilliant, egoistic and humble, beginners and veterans - It is of course not an either/or and it is also not about both/and, at least not automatically so. Rather, it is about planning with stinking purpose . . . for the hundredth thousandth time. And let me just add a side bar here for the GenX and Millennials; contray to popular belief, Doug Fields did not come up with the idea of Purpse Driven Ministry. It is not a Saddleback concept. Now for those of you who drink weekly from the faucet of www.simplyyouthministry.com, please put your swords and paintball guns down. Make no mistake about it, I am glad for Doug's book and resources. PDYM was long overdue in a time period in modern youth ministry when we were becoming overstocked with slackard and disfunctional student ministries. In fact, I built an entire course around it (STM 310) as the primary text book at the Baptist College of Florida. But with all due respect to the decade old Purpose Driven movement, I was taught the concept of planning with purpose and creating mission satements by old professors back in 1981 at New Orleans Seminary. And, I might add, they seem to teach the concept as if it was an old staple of mature ministry even when it was taught to them- way back in the day.
Ok, back to Camp vs. Mission trip - when I hear this idea of missions rather than camp, what I am often times really hearing - besides bla bla bla bla bla bla bla is:
1. I cant afford to do both summer camp and mission trip, so we pick the one that is the easist to garnish financail support from our senior adults and others to pay for most of it.
2. I am not very successful in doing outreach to connect to the lost community, so we just nurture our "core" kids and take them away on mission trips.
3. We dont have any peripheral students or lost kids hanging around our ministry so we dont have much need for a camp where the lost will be saved.
4. It is much easier to herd "core" students than manage a pack of wild students who think, talk and behave like lost students.
5. I am a "Lone Ranger" style of ministry and I simply can not coordinate and direct two major events during the summer and keep our other minsitry programs up to speed.
6. It sounds more spiritual to declare our love, support and intentionality towards the call to mission endeavors.
7. Serving others through missions makes our ministry look more Godly even though many of our students who are passionate about serving in Jesus' name never apply His purspose for living to their daily life actions.
So when someone says: "we don't DO camp, we do mission trips" it may not be for one of the reasons above but the real point of position is this: We must plan our ministry caledars with purpose towards accomplishing a comprehensive and balanced ministry which can and perhaps should include two of the most productive ministry initiativfes on the calander - Summer Camp and Mission Trip. In doing so, we help push on towards accomplishing the neccessary balance of Evangelism, Worhsip, Discipleship, Ministry and Fellowship (thanks Doug)
For a little while I managed to keep my mouth shut and not respond (but those 15 seconds passed fast). I was hoping he would clarify his position a bit before my mouth opened. Hurry, clarify that with something intelligent. I prayed for strength to hold my tongue, I applied my hand to my mouth in hopes that it would remind my lips to stay neutral. To no avail, as soon as an appropriate pause entered our presence, I shared my thoughts on "mature" ministry. Stepping up to my summer camp soapbox, I began; Friends and neighbors, young and old, stupid and brilliant, egoistic and humble, beginners and veterans - It is of course not an either/or and it is also not about both/and, at least not automatically so. Rather, it is about planning with stinking purpose . . . for the hundredth thousandth time. And let me just add a side bar here for the GenX and Millennials; contray to popular belief, Doug Fields did not come up with the idea of Purpse Driven Ministry. It is not a Saddleback concept. Now for those of you who drink weekly from the faucet of www.simplyyouthministry.com, please put your swords and paintball guns down. Make no mistake about it, I am glad for Doug's book and resources. PDYM was long overdue in a time period in modern youth ministry when we were becoming overstocked with slackard and disfunctional student ministries. In fact, I built an entire course around it (STM 310) as the primary text book at the Baptist College of Florida. But with all due respect to the decade old Purpose Driven movement, I was taught the concept of planning with purpose and creating mission satements by old professors back in 1981 at New Orleans Seminary. And, I might add, they seem to teach the concept as if it was an old staple of mature ministry even when it was taught to them- way back in the day.
Ok, back to Camp vs. Mission trip - when I hear this idea of missions rather than camp, what I am often times really hearing - besides bla bla bla bla bla bla bla is:
1. I cant afford to do both summer camp and mission trip, so we pick the one that is the easist to garnish financail support from our senior adults and others to pay for most of it.
2. I am not very successful in doing outreach to connect to the lost community, so we just nurture our "core" kids and take them away on mission trips.
3. We dont have any peripheral students or lost kids hanging around our ministry so we dont have much need for a camp where the lost will be saved.
4. It is much easier to herd "core" students than manage a pack of wild students who think, talk and behave like lost students.
5. I am a "Lone Ranger" style of ministry and I simply can not coordinate and direct two major events during the summer and keep our other minsitry programs up to speed.
6. It sounds more spiritual to declare our love, support and intentionality towards the call to mission endeavors.
7. Serving others through missions makes our ministry look more Godly even though many of our students who are passionate about serving in Jesus' name never apply His purspose for living to their daily life actions.
So when someone says: "we don't DO camp, we do mission trips" it may not be for one of the reasons above but the real point of position is this: We must plan our ministry caledars with purpose towards accomplishing a comprehensive and balanced ministry which can and perhaps should include two of the most productive ministry initiativfes on the calander - Summer Camp and Mission Trip. In doing so, we help push on towards accomplishing the neccessary balance of Evangelism, Worhsip, Discipleship, Ministry and Fellowship (thanks Doug)
Friday, February 20, 2009
What in the world are you talking about?
Good communication is an essential element of accomplishing any youth ministry. We communicate to students and leaders, to parents and church staff. We communicate in large groups and small groups, with our words and our actions, and in our fliers and our bulletins. Nearly every aspect of ministry involves communication. Our purposes may be determined, our programs developed, and our principles defined, but we must communicate what that purpose is, where and when those programs are, and how the ministry will be accomplished.
In short communication is central to a healthy professional youth ministry. So what? So why does it seem like many youth leaders treat the job of researching the scripture and planning their weekly student sermon like it is an incidental element. Why do many treat the meeting with parents as a necessary evil with little to no advance planning, no agenda, no hand outs or consideration of what a parent is looking for from the time spent. I'm just saying . . . come on guys - lets plan to be more professional and respectful of the time our volunteer teams and parents give towards His ministry under our direction.
If we want to be taken serious, then we need to put on our big boy boxers and plan more like professionals OR . . . just admit that you're not up to the job and move it on down the road so those who are serious about the world of Student Ministry can lead it to Grow Up and Become what God intends and what the church needs.
Five Fundamentals of Filtering
Just saw a great update from Walt Mueller over at CPYU. He was discussing the ever changing world of Marketing, pushing the envelope and how that "push" of the envelope affects our response, perception, and ultimately, our ministry. That caused me to think about how we spend our energy in ministry trying to keep up with the change, wanting to know the culture and yet not wanting to be changed by it regarding the message of hope in Christ. I have always felt that it was more biblical and practical to teach students FILTERING skill rather than concepts. Concepts tend to be more abstract that must be applied to each situation. Filtering skills are one step closer where we can apply our developing filters to anything we see, hear or experience. Especially for Middle School students, we need to be as concrete as we can. With this in mind I thought it would be beneficial to share with you the SME filtering questions that I share at Parenting Conferences. These five were adapted from Walt Mueller's list called The Simple Seven Ad-Filtering Questions.
I call mine: The Five Fundamentals of Filtering.
1. Is someone trying to SELL me something?
2. If I "buy" it, will I also be indirectly purchasing an idea, lifestyle, behavior or world view.?
3. Is there bait, hook or promise that lures me out of my zone of Christian standard?
4. Is the person communicating information or selling "products" to me trustworthy?
5. Does this idea, attitude, lifestyle or behavior reflect Christ?
Write something original
I can tell you that after 27 years in student ministry, I am not very easily shocked - not by students, not by leadership and not by parents. From sex in the baptismal pool to telling a parent to shut the crap up during a heated meeting, I have heard of many situations and actions that would, under normal circumstances be hard to believe. But in church life and considering some of the people manning the helm, I just don't often hear much that is unbelievable.
That being said, I confess that recently I was shocked when a youth minister shared with me over some hot wings something that I just could not believe. At first, I thought I misunderstood what he said, so I interjected a few thoughts and questions to gently confirm my understanding. To my amazement, I did hear him correctly. I was actually hoping that my age was affecting my hearing to such a degree as to have just heard him wrong. But that was not the case. What he told me is a simple by-product of our time. It is something that our culture has produced and encouraged. It is an activity that has been slowly slipping into our modern ministry culture. Now don't worry, I am not naming names - not a good idea in the consulting business anyway - but since he is not a big shot in youth ministry, you want know him and he wouldn't care anyway. He already knows I am blogging about him and doesn't give a rip about what other student leaders think of him because he is in a great church, paid well and has good support. No wonder he doesn't care what you think. The fact is he doesn’t care much about what you think is really rather indicative of the appalling action I am about to reveal. If he cared about your opinion, then he might care about his weekly messages to students. I know they are breeds apart but it speaks of his attitude towards excellence and preparation. What is this nearly unbelievable action? HE HAS NEVER PREPARED A STUDENT SERMON FROM SCRATCH! Are you kidding me? No I am not kidding you. He has never prepared a single sermon for his students from his own personal, from scratch, bible study, preparation, exegesis, analysis and assimilation of message ideas put to outline and text. What does he do? He does what a growing number of student leaders are doing - He uses several of the many Ready-set-go, Wing-it, web based short cut solutions available through the miracle of click. Yep, its today’s Youth Ministry in a Box - here ya go - all ready for ya -slick, affordable and downloadable or copy pasted all in under two minutes. Hey, this one even has an ice breaker/mixer to match the message. Now, I am not saying that we don’t take, borrow, steal ideas and beginning points or other partials to develop a sermon or a series of messages. That is just good research and networking. Rather, I am talking about the regurgitation of what someone else put together. And neither am I talking about the occasional need for a break or even taking a short cut due to an emergency or extra busy week. But rather, I am speaking of the microwavable messages that have become the common place easy route simply because . . . well it is easy.
So what’s the big deal with taking a short cut? Well I am glad you asked.
1. Your creative juices are not being squeezed and enjoyed. God gave them to you, use them.
2. You can't preach from your heart what has not been laid upon it.
3. The “Study to show thyself approved” sort of fades out of the picture.
4. It is more difficult to preach with power and conviction when it came from someone else’s power and conviction.
5. Unless you are giving credit where credit is due, then you are lying - ok, white lying - but hey, it is for kingdom impact, so extra grace applies - double up.
6. Your sermon development and interpretation muscles (a little thing we call hermeneutics) are being underworked and growing weaker by the day.
7. The raw development of sermons will flow from your bible reading, your devotional time and your life experiences based upon the needs of your students. This is terribly difficult to accomplish on someone else’s dime.
8. Your maturity as a speaker, presenter, preacher, teacher and gospelizer is dependent upon your personal study and development time.
9. It is easier to remember and preach what God is revealing to you than what God revealed to someone else.
10. Authenticity is a hot commodity. Students will recognize the difference and you will notice a change in your connection with them after sitting under your "word" to them, for them from Him through you, their shepherd.
OK, somebody shoot this horse before I make an enemy or two or three or four or . . .
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Three, no Four Absolutes in creating an honest healthy ministry.
1. ALWAYS Plan with Ministry Purpose! It doesn't have t always be serious or deeply spiritual but it does need to meet of of the biblical based essentials (Fellowship, Evangelism, Ministry, Worship or Discipleship)
2. Remember that Every Student is a Window to a FAMILY - not represents a family but rather is a window to a family. That means we minister TO and THROUGH students to the greater end.
3. Every Student counts the same in a healthy ministry. Never, Never court, lure, enlist or pursue the athlete, musician, singer, beauty, stud or skilled student over and above the average, normal introverted struggling teen.
4. Prayer will supersede a boat load of stupidity! No matter whether you consider your student ministry to be one of the HAVES or HAVE NOTS, without prayer, it is empty, lifeless and . . . unhealthy! No matter what it looks like on the outside.
1. ALWAYS Plan with Ministry Purpose! It doesn't have t always be serious or deeply spiritual but it does need to meet of of the biblical based essentials (Fellowship, Evangelism, Ministry, Worship or Discipleship)
2. Remember that Every Student is a Window to a FAMILY - not represents a family but rather is a window to a family. That means we minister TO and THROUGH students to the greater end.
3. Every Student counts the same in a healthy ministry. Never, Never court, lure, enlist or pursue the athlete, musician, singer, beauty, stud or skilled student over and above the average, normal introverted struggling teen.
4. Prayer will supersede a boat load of stupidity! No matter whether you consider your student ministry to be one of the HAVES or HAVE NOTS, without prayer, it is empty, lifeless and . . . unhealthy! No matter what it looks like on the outside.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
I give in. I resisted as long as I could but there is just no getting around it. Sharing your thoughts and publishing them to the world feels a bit unnatural and narcissistic. But, I admit, the connection and invisible networking results are a wonderful advantage in creating healthy ministries as well as new friendships.
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